Brian sat at his bedroom window watching the world go by. He could see for miles from his high sentry point. He lived with his mother on the fourteenth floor of the tower block, it was actually the thirteenth floor, but the council was superstitious and decided to make all the tower blocks go from the twelfth floor to the fourteenth.
He watched the other children playing down below, so many times he’d wanted to run down and join in their innocent looking games, but his mother would never allow him. He can hear her now talking to the neighbours, “Brian’s a delicate child, he doesn’t seem to mix well with others.”
That’s because he never got the bloody chance, his mother had wrapped him in cotton wool after Garry’s death. She never allowed him to play or to leave their small flat, and when they did he would always have to be accompanied by his mother or by one of his many auntie’s.
Brian’s Mum came from a large family; she was one of six sisters and three brothers. Being the youngest in her family she had always been slightly spoiled, each of her sisters acted like a mother towards her. They were all delighted when she married, but were even more delighted when she had her two boys Garry and Brian. It wasn’t long after Brian’s birth that her husband left her. All the sisters came round, claiming that they all knew he was a bad egg, and the brothers threatened to kick the shit out of him if they ever saw him again.
Garry was the apple of his mother’s eye. Brian, however, seemed to be neglected slightly because of a misplaced belief that he was the cause of the marriage breaking up. Garry was four years older than Brian and was the more outgoing and popular of the brothers.
They went almost everywhere together, outwardly they seemed to get along together. Brian idolised Garry, he wanted to be Garry, to do the things that he did, to say the things that he said. But Garry thought Brian was a bit of a nuisance, every time he wanted to go out, his Mum made him take Brian with him. So Brian was like a stone round Garry’s neck, he cramped his style, especially when he wanted to be with his mates. But there was one good thing, Brian seemed to help Garry pull the girls, he didn’t know what it was, but every time he took Brian with him the girls seemed to come flocking.
Brian used to watch in awe the way that Garry would show off around the girls. Brian was ten years old and Garry was fourteen, but Brian was picking up all sorts of habits and mannerisms from Garry. Brian though, never had his brother’s success with girls, maybe it was because all the girls he knew were older than him, maybe it was because none of the girls wanted this pale imitation of Garry, when they could so easily have the real thing.
His lack of success made him disappear slightly into his shell, but Garry had realised Brian’s uses, and used him as an excuse to visit his many girlfriends. At the age of sixteen Garry had five regular girlfriends, none of whom knew the existence of the other, and Garry used to tell his mother that he was taking his brother out for a walk. His mother would quite readily let them go, knowing that with Brian in tow, Garry couldn’t possibly get into any trouble. Little did she know that as soon as they were out of the flat Garry would give Brian fifty pence and tell him to meet him in a couple of hours at the swings.
It hadn’t always been like that though. Garry used to actually take Brian on the dates with him, but one time he caught Brian spying on him while he was necking in the park. He made a fuss of getting rid of Brian, but Brian just retreated to a safer vantagepoint, where he could watch them without getting spotted. Brian continued to do this as Garry’s dates got more and more adventurous.
Brian followed Garry one evening, after Garry had tried to bribe Brian with another fifty pence piece. He watched Garry meet up with a girl, a different one, Brian hadn’t seen her before, he followed them to the back of the estate. There was a large wire fence and then some waste ground and a small wood at the back of the estate. Garry and the girl crawled through a gap in the fence and walked across the waste ground towards the wood. Brian dutifully followed.
He nearly lost them in the wood, but soon caught sight of the girl’s lurid coloured jacket. They approached and old caravan, the girl produced a small bunch of keys from her jacket pocket and opened the caravan door. They both climbed inside and Garry shut the door behind him.
Brian made sat down next to a tree and tried to make himself comfortable, he watched the caravan intently, but nothing was happening. He was just about to get up and leave when he noticed that the caravan was gently rocking from side to side. He wondered why this would be happening. As the caravan swayed it squeaked slightly, above the squeaking Brian could hear a moaning sound which seemed to be getting steadily more frantic. He was desperate to know what was going on inside.
He picked himself up and crept quietly towards the caravan, he tried to see in the window but he wasn’t tall enough to see anything. He looked around him and saw a couple of old crates, he piled them on top of each other and clambered on top of them. He peered inside the window, he couldn’t see much; the window was steaming up. All he could make out was a white blob that seemed to be quivering quickly. He strained to see more, but he stumbled and the crates fell from under him. The moaning quickly stopped, Brian scrambled to the safety of the bushes, from there he looked back and could see his brothers red face looking out of the window. Satisfied that no one was about his face disappeared from view. The moaning started again soon after.
Brian was more desperate than ever to find out what all the noise was about. This time he crept towards the caravan and slowly pulled open the door, crawling on his front he peered inside. He could see Garry on top of the girl, his trousers round his ankles, and the girl’s short dress pulled up over her stomach. He watched in amazement as his brother moved quickly up and down, the girl was arching her back, she turned her head to the side and caught sight of Brian. At first there was confusion in her eyes then she screamed. Garry turned to see what she was looking at. Brian got up quickly and ran as fast as he could.
Brian sped into the woods, Garry shot out of the caravan after him. Brian ran through the woods for what seemed to him like miles. He hid behind a large tree thinking that Garry couldn’t see him. He glanced out from behind the tree, only to find himself staring into Garry’s eyes. Tears suddenly streamed down Brian’s face. Garry looked at him seriously, Brian was expecting a beating, but Garry smiled and told him not to worry, so long as Mum never found out about this then they’d both be alright. Brian nodded his head in agreement; Garry smiled and wiped the tears from Brian’s face. They both walked home best of friends, but Brian was still curious and couldn’t stop thinking about what he had seen back in the caravan.
Neither of them ever said anything about that night to each other ever again, it was as if they had both made a solemn oath that night and neither of them was going to break it.
* * * * *
“You make sure you don’t fall out that window.”
Brian was brought back to reality with a start; he jumped slightly and leaned his hand against the window for support.
“You’ll fall out that bloody window one day.”
“Yes mum.”
Brian moved away from the window and sat down on his bed, he picked up a comic that was lying on the bed and made as if reading it.
“You never do anything Brian Duncan.” Brian nodded his head idly as he could hear his mother’s voice drown on as she walked into the kitchen, “Always dreaming, you’ll never amount to anything.”
She always complained that he never did anything or went anywhere, yet every time he tried to go anywhere she would go on about how it wasn’t safe for her to be left alone in the house anymore, you never knew what might happen. So he gave up trying, he just shut himself off when she started.
* * * * *
He could remember the couple of days that changed all their lives as if it had happened yesterday. It happened about two years ago, just after his fourteenth birthday, it was only a few days before Garry’s eighteenth. That had always been a bit of a sore point in the family, the fact that their birthdays were only about three weeks apart. Their mother always complained that she couldn’t afford a present for both of them, so more often than not they got a joint present. But this year Brian didn’t get a present, Mum complained that she couldn’t afford anything, but when it came to Garry’s she made a great fuss over presenting him with a new bike. Garry wasn’t impressed, he’d been pestering her for a motorbike, but she had point blank refused, the bike was a sort of compromise.
Brian was as jealous as hell. Yet again he was past over for his mother’s favourite. The brothers had been close, but the bike now caused a split between them, they started to slowly drift apart.
Brian would watch Garry showing off on the bike. Their mother would still make sure that they would go out together, Brian would just sit on the swings, gently rocking back and forth, while Garry showed off on the bike, pulling wheelies, doing skids and just generally showing off to the girls. Nobody would notice Brian; Garry was the centre of everyone’s attention.
It was then that Brian started to formulate plans of revenge, he planned to somehow get his own back. He never actually intended to go through with any of the plans, but it made him feel better just to think of them.
One day Brian was sitting on the swing, Garry had ridden off with a group of his mates. Brian was minding his own business when a young girl sat in the swing next to him. He glanced across and recognised her as one of Garry’s girlfriends.
“Hi.”
Brian sniffed and continued to swing gently.
“Aren’t you Garry Duncan’s brother.”
Brian nodded his head, staring at his feet, he was convinced that she already knew who she was, but he was in no mood to get involved.
“Brian isn’t it? Yeah it’s Brian.”
Brian turned to face her, he had to squint as the sun shone into his eyes, but he could still tell she was a very attractive girl, but he couldn’t work out why she was talking to him.
“You look a lot like him.” She stared intently at him, “But there’s something different about you.”
All Brian’s experience with girls had been a complete disaster, he always found himself saying the wrong thing, so this time he didn’t say anything, he just turned back and continued staring at his feet.
“You’re a quiet one aren’t you.”
She was persistent; he’d give her that.
“Here, come with me.”
She stood up and took Brian’s hand, they walked together. Brian couldn’t work out why he was following her, he could so easily have shaken his hand out of her grip, but he never did. They didn’t talk as they walked, she led he followed.
She took him back towards the tower blocks, not the block that he lived in, but the one next to it. They walked into the lift; she pressed the button for the seventeenth floor. The lift doors closed and it started to move up. They stood in silence for a while.
“Do you like your brother then?”
“He’s alright.” Brian mumbled.
They stood in silence again, until the lift lurched to a halt and a grinding noise sounded as the lift doors opened. She walked out and Brian followed. They walked along the gangway, the wind hitting them strongly from the side; Brian stopped and looked out over the wall. God they were high up.
“Come on.”
She stood next to a red door, Brian was still looking out over the wall, and he turned and looked at her. He wondered what on earth he was doing here, but then she smiled and Brian forgot everything and followed her inside.
The inside of the flat was small and dingy, it was sparsely furnished, an old telly in the corner of the room, a battered old sofa against the wall. Brian noticed a large damp patch growing on the wall behind the sofa. There were two doors; behind one Brian could see an old cooker and a sink stacked full of dirty dishes. The other door led to the bedroom.
The girl walked into the bedroom, Brian followed, but his mind was still thinking about the damp patch on the wall.
Brian stood in the middle of the room, feeling gormless and lost. The girl smiled and took hold of Brian’s shoulders and moved him to the bed. She pushed him backwards slightly, he didn’t fall back he just slowly leaned back and ended up sitting on the edge of the bed. She stood back, Brian was still slightly confused, but now he was becoming more stunned, fear seemed to be creeping up on him, he felt paralysed.
She lifted up her top, and took it off over her head. Her breasts transfixed Brian; he followed them as she leaned down and pulled down her skirt, she kicked it away into the corner of the room.
Brian felt his mouth fall open, she came towards him and started to loosen the belt on his trousers, he didn’t know what to do, he just sort of let things happen. She pulled his trousers and then his pants down and pushed him back on the bed. She clambered on top of him. In spite of himself he could feel himself go hard. She moved mechanically up and down on top of him. Brian wasn’t sure what was happening, but he was sure of one thing, he was enjoying this.
She moved expertly on top of him, Brian could tell she’d done this many times before. He could feel the pressure building up inside him, and then suddenly he felt great relief as he came.
As quickly as it had started, it was over. She climbed off him and collapsed onto the bed.
She sighed deeply, “You can go now.”
“Eh?”
“You can go, we’re finished.”
Brian dutifully stood up and pulled up his trousers, he fastened the belt.
“Will I see you again?”
She didn’t say anything; she just waved her hand dismissevly. Brian now thoroughly confused walked out of the flat. He closed the door behind him as he left and stood looking out over the wall. He wasn’t sure, but he thought he might be in love. If he met the girl again he would have to ask her her name.
Several weeks passed and Brian didn’t see the girl. He waited at the swings every day expecting to see her, but she never appeared.
Then one day he could see Garry and a girl in the distance. Garry was pushing his bike and talking animatedly to the girl. As they came closer he recognised the girl, he could tell it was her. He at first wondered what she was doing with Garry, but then Brian’s world shattered as she leaned over and kissed Garry on the cheek.
That was it, that was the last straw, now he would put his imagined plans of revenge into action.
He sat in his bedroom dreaming up all sorts of plans for revenge. His thoughts were interrupted by the noise of Garry coming in the front door. Shortly after that his mother shouted that it was time for tea. He came out of his bedroom and on his way to the kitchen he passed the bike, propped up against the wall, it was then that he knew what he was going to do. He just had to wait for his opportunity.
He didn’t have to wait long. Garry went out one evening with his mates, surprisingly he didn’t take his bike. Brian sat waiting in his bedroom, waiting for his mother to finish her pottering about in the kitchen. Finally Brian could hear his mother go to her bed. He crept out into the hallway and pulled a pair of scissors out of his trouser pocket. He cut the break cable in half, then made a second cut slightly lower down, removing the small piece of cable he pulled out the strands of wire inside the small rubber tube and then produced a small tube of glue and put some on each end, he then put the piece back in place.
He held it until he reckoned it was stuck. He stood back and admired his handiwork, he smiled to himself, the cable looked as good as new. He put the scissors and glue back into his pockets and sneaked back into his room.
The next day Brian was again sitting on the swings, he knew that Garry would be out with his bike soon. Garry came out of the flats pushing his bike along, Brian watched from the swings as Garry waited for his friends to arrive. A couple of other boys turned up on their bikes, they stopped and started chatting to Garry.
The three then rode round in circles, shouting and cheering at each other. Brian had seen this routine many times before; they seemed to make all the noise to draw attention to themselves. Brian knew that soon they would start their races, and it would be then that Garry would get a nasty surprise.
The boys stopped their circling and stood round each other. Brian knew that they would now start to race each other.
Right enough they lined up along the road and started to sprint as fast as they could, they passed their imaginary finish line and they all skidded to a halt. Garry looked as if he was going to lose control, but he quickly controlled the bike and was ready to start the next race.
This time they raced in the other direction, heading towards the main road. The boys were racing along when a small car turned off the main road and drove up towards them. This was what they liked best; they loved to play chicken against cars. The bikes seemed to go faster, the car travelled at a steady pace. Suddenly the driver of the car could see the cyclists coming towards him, he visibly tensed behind the wheel, he had seen this several times before. The boys put their heads down and peddled faster. The gap reduced, the bikes seemed to go faster, the car still travelled steadily on. One of the boys chickened out and skidded his bike to a halt.
He watched as the others got closer, the other boy also skidded to the side. Garry peddled on, then he could be seen trying to work the brakes, his eyes filled with horror as nothing happened, he lifted himself up as he tried to slow the bike. The car was now very close; Garry was starting to panic.
Brian looked on with a slight smile on his face, which slowly disappeared as the car came closer. He jumped off the swing and shouted a warning. He was up and running as he saw Garry try to swerve, but the back of the bike caught the car and he was thrown through the air.
Brian arrived too late. Garry lay crumpled and broken on the side of the road, the driver of the car got out and rushed towards them. Other people who had seen what had happened ran forward. Brian was oblivious to the crowd as he held Garry’s head in his hands. Garry’s eyes were open, but he looked as if he was just staring into space. Brian was convinced Garry smiled at him just before his eyes closed.
Garry spent several days in hospital, he never regained consciousness. Brian and his Mum were their as the doctor switched off the life support machine.
Brian didn’t know what emotions he was feeling, he felt great loss at Garry’s death, but another part off him was glad that he had finally stood up to his brother.
His mother didn’t stop crying for the next three weeks, she never acknowledged Brian’s presence, she went downhill quickly, the house was a mess, and she got ill herself.
The funeral was not a happy event. Brian felt uncomfortable in the new suit one of his aunts had bought him. He didn’t like the attention, everybody kept patting him on the head, ruffling his hair and saying what a lovely boy he was. The one thing he couldn’t stand was when people said how much he looked like Garry. Brian’s Mum cried throughout the funeral.
Her sisters then rallied round and started to tidy the flat up; they cooked meals and even paid attention to Brian.
Brian knew this wouldn’t last forever, but he was glad when his Mum seemed to come out of her depression, but all she ever talked about was Garry. Brian could feel himself getting depressed.
He missed Garry.
* * * * *
He got up off the bed and walked over to the window and stared out. He couldn’t work out his thoughts, he wasn’t sure if he felt guilty of not, but he did know that he missed Garry.
“Tea’s ready.” His mother shouted from the kitchen.
Brian ignored the call; he sat on the windowsill and stared at what was happening below. He could see small children playing on the swings, girls skipping, and the faint sound of laughter drifted up. He then saw some boys riding about on bicycles, chasing each other across the green.
Brian watched them intently. A tear ran down his cheek as he pushed the window wider open.
“Brian, tea’s ready!”
Brian swung his legs out of the window and sat there for a small while.
“Brian, will you get your arse in here now!”
He wiped the tear away from his face, and pushed himself away. As he fell he felt free, unburdened of what he now recognised as guilt, he smiled as he realised that Garry was the only person that could forgive him, and it wouldn’t be long before they would be together again.
alcanlin posted this