Lowers surgery mask, shakes head slowly

Well folks, it’s finally here. The novel “Ender’s Game,” as classic to some as it is contemporary, is now a major motion picture. And apparently Battle School is sponsored by Adidas.

It’s hundreds of years in the future, and planet Earth has united behind the International Fleet to defend against an invading alien race known as the “buggers.” It’s decades after the devastating invasion, and mankind is preparing for the next one by sending off their most gifted children to train at Battle School. Young Ender Wiggin (Asa Butterfield) is a shy but tactically brilliant boy, and Colonel Hyrum Graff (Harrison Ford) believes that he may have what it takes to save mankind — one way or another.

It’s based off of the 1985 novel of the same name which its homophobic author Orson Scott Card once called unfilmable. And unfortunately, though this adaptation has his blessing, it’s still pretty clear why he said that. Much of the novel takes place in Ender’s head: his inner thoughts and feelings are what drives both his character and inform the story. In order to properly adapt the saga to the big screen the audience has to be somehow informed of Ender’s internal moral reasoning.

Unfortunately, “Ender’s Game” attempts this via randomly sprinkled voiceovers and a lot of painful, poorly written dialogue. The film sports a solid cast of veteran actors (Ben Kingsley, Hailee Steinfeld, Viola Davis, and Abigail Breslin join Ford and Butterfield for training) and in the end there’s no reason they should come off as wooden as they do, given their talent and source material. Butterfield certainly has the most material and does a good job grounding Ender intelligently as the teenager he is, but he’s also responsible for some of the most agonizing, exposition-laden dialogue.

There seems to be nothing the movie can do to really adapt the nuance of these characters; there’s just not enough time and far too much to adapt. The first 50 or so pages (the events surrounding Ender leaving for Battle School) will feel like a blur to book-readers who are mentally filling in the gaps, but people unfamiliar with the book may just be left dizzy from the pace.

It almost feels like a deliberate choice on the part of the director Gavin Hood (who also penned the screenplay) to make Ender feel like an outsider, even in his own home. But the story continues to blur by once it reaches Battle School. Switching quickly from montage to single scene, it expects viewers to see and accept all the personal growth of the characters without the satisfaction of understanding how they got there.

The big pay off for the movie lies in the special effects: the battle room at the school, the final war scene, the futuristic technology. While it’s true that Hood creates a world with advanced iPads and versatile Kinect technology, and the backdrop of the battle room is splendid, unfortunately, there’s no versatile camera work (a la “Gravity”) to inspire the true feel of zero gravity.

It’s hard to say whether “Ender’s Game” suffered because it tried to adapt itself too much or just in the wrong areas, but it’s clear early on that it certainly lost the nuance of the novel ― if not much more. Nothing in the sea of issues floating through the movie feels resolved by the credits, and certainly not to the profoundness the filmmakers seem to think it does. It’s shiny and glittery, but “Ender’s Game” has nothing new to offer. Game off.

Verdict: Fans of the book will be disappointed, and fresh viewers will likely find it messy in all the wrong places.