These three skills are essential to success in work and life. Why don’t hiring managers assess them when interviewing? Do you?

“Those Who Succeeded and Those Who Failed”

A friend I reconnected with just shared this amazing insight:

Several years ago … I returned to my hometown after an absence of many years. Seeing old friends, people I had associated with I was able to see: in a very objective, rational way: those who had succeed and those who had failed [I wrote the results in my journal]. Without exception those who had succeed had always chosen [I emphasize the word chosen] good relationships. They were also self-reliant, and good self-managers. The failures were the complete opposite: they always chose bad relationships and were dependent: in fact the two seemed to go hand-in-hand. It was an incredible experience because I was able to see true sowing and reaping in a very objective, long-term way.

Who are You Really Hiring?

You never hire just the person, especially in today’s social, interconnected world.

Indirectly, you’re also hiring the assets and liabilities of their relationships, connections, and associates; you’re hiring their modes of interaction, inter-reliance, and collaboration.

These are especially important when hiring a potential executive team member, manager, or other leader.

Problems (and Assets) To Watch For

1. Bad Relationships

PROBLEMS: Bad (current) relationships drain time, mental energy, and creativity. They can sap our resilience and flexibility in the workplace and leave us more vulnerable and less effective.

Example: Years ago, I managed an otherwise productive programmer who started showing up late and was increasingly distracted. Years later, I learned the cause:a horrific relationship was draining them dry, pulling them in two directions at once.

POTENTIAL BENEFITS: Prior bad relationships, if successfully overcome, can give a person amazing insights and skills in workplace dynamics. These people have usually seen effective counsellors and acquired strong interpersonal and team skills. They may be able to see minefields from afar, defuse situtations, influence change, and help others step around trouble spots deftly. Having faced a bad situation isn’t enough—they must know what the issues were that they faced, they must have overcome them, and they must be able to articulate exactly how and why their methods were effective.

INTERVIEW QUESTIONS:

• Without sharing too-personal details, have you ever faced a difficult non-work relationship?
  [Who hasn’t?! If they never have, they may be oblivious—a warning sign; or they may cater to everyone, which could impact work in different ways; clarify why t hey seem tom get along with everyone.]
• Without sharing too-personal details, what were the general issues you faced, and how did you handle them?
  [You’re looking for 1) ability to identify the principles behind the issues they faced, 2) ability to bring outside expertise into the equation to develop skills to cope and overcome, and 3) ability to “choose” or create healthy relationships even when it’s tough.]
• What was the outcome?
  [Are they still stranded? Did they take action to resolve it? get a handle on whether this will affect their work.]