This year’s Premier League season started out with lots of hope for so many teams. Sir Alex Ferguson thought that “the chose one” would lead Manchester United to glory, Andre Villas-Boas thought he wouldn’t get fired again, and of course Vincent Tan thought he wasn’t crazy. Of course, each found out that they were wrong in their ways, except Vincent Tan of course. Nevertheless, this article is dedicated to the newcomers everyone thought would be great but weren’t. I present the first in a series of Unfantasy Season-Ending Awards: Unfantasy Newcomer Team of the Season.
Goalie: Maarten Stekelenburg, Fulham, Price: £4.76m
Stekelenburg joined Fulham from Roma in the summer. However, he couldn’t nail down the starting job for most of the season as Fulham were eventually dropped to the Championship.
Defender: Sasha Reither, Fulham, Price: £1.27m
Played second-most minutes on the team behind Steve Sidwell and notched two assists but failed to lead the team out of relegation.
Defender: Kolo Toure, Liverpool, Price: Free
Started 15 games for Liverpool which was 15 too many. His transfer, from Manchester City no less, is arguably the reason Liverpool lost the title. Scored a comical own-goal against Fulham and made countless mistakes. Simply the worst of players and one would have to wonder if the team would have been better played with ten men than with him at times.
Defender: Diego Lugano, West Brom, Price: Free
Captain of Uruguay but could not even keep a place in West Brom’s starting lineup.
Midfielder: Gary Medel, Cardiff, Price: £9.5m
A defensive midfielder with a track record of notching in attacking returns, including 6 goals and 3 assists in his last season at Sevilla, only notched a single assist in 34 Premier League games for Cardiff. Possessed a better red-card threat than attacking-threat for the squad.
Midfielder: Adel Taarabt, Fulham, Price: Loan
The playmaker from QPR had his moments in the previous season but failed to do much of anything on his spell before his loan was cut short as he was sent to Italy. Once again, his bad boy image got the better of him.
Midfielder: Victor Moses, Liverpool, Price: Loan
He set an ambitious goal of 20 goals in all competitions this season but failed to deliver with only 4. Had an opportunity to lift Liverpool to a late win versus Crystal Palace but missed. His career so far could be described as the Bendtner-esque.
Midfielder: Erik Lamela, Tottenham, Price: £30m
Much was expected out Lamela but he fell out of favor early in an injury-plagued season as he notched only one assist in 327 minutes of play.
Forward: Jozy Altidore, Sunderland, Price: £6.5m
A start for his national team, Altidore failed to deliver for Sunderland during his second attempt at Premier League success scoring just one goal in league play. Some have described him as having the first touch of a rapist and the finishing ability of a blind man. Simply disastrous as the team was barely able to stave off relegation.
Forward: Ricky van Wolfswinkel, Norwich, Price: £8.5m
Scored in his first game of the season but not once in any competition after. Simply disastrous as the team was relegated.
Forward: Roberto Soldado, Tottenham, Price: £26m
Another big money move that failed to pan out for Tottenham. Eventually dropped in favor of Harry Kane as he scored only 6 goals in league play for Tottenham after having scored 24 the previous term for Valencia.
Manager: David Moyes, Manchester United
Somehow “led” Manchester United to the quarterfinals of the Champions league despite his ineptitude. Moyes proved more than capable of misusing the talent at his disposable with poor tactics. He brought in Juan Mata, a true number 10 playmaker, only to play him on the wing. Just terrible.
Owner: Vincent Tan, Cardiff City
He was the worst owner in sports until Donald Sterling proved otherwise. Tan fired an excellent manager in Malky Mackay, hired a 23 year-old friend of his son as Head of Recruitment for the club despite having no experience (the guy later quit), and requested that the club look to sign players with the number “8” in their birthdates. He should probably sell the club given that the number “8” is not in his birthdate.
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