I sent a series of tweets out and it was too many to screencap all at once and be visible… so I’m posting it as text here because I feel very strongly about this.
Do not teach your children to make themselves smaller to make other people feel better about their pathetic existence. When you scold a child into “being humble”, as people describe it, you’re conditioning that child to undermine their strengths. ONLY minorities and women are saddled with this requirement to dim our light for others’ comfort, to play it down, not to acknowledge it. You’re telling that child that self-confidence is harmful and wrong, rearing them to bend to the will of others. Then you have the nerve to ask why your baby grows up to be so easily influenced, and to seek praise from others, not to know their own brilliance. You told them not to praise themselves! You forbade them to know their worth. You beat that out of them (some of you, literally).
It’s one of the most contradictory things we do with children, telling them to dream big and believe they can do anything, while simultaneously telling them it’s wrong to have “too much” belief in oneself. You can’t make dreams come true depending on other people to tell you it’s a good idea and you can make it happen….You can’t sell me something you don’t believe in and that includes you as a commodity. These kids end up needing to pitch their brilliance for scholarships, interviews, business proposals, or auditions and fall flat because their entire lives they were taught there is something wrong (and EVIL when it comes to a lot of Black churches) about owning your strengths. We weren’t just instructed to praise God for certain building blocks that we could expand on through our on work… but to never ever allow ourselves to feel accomplished or look back on what we’ve done and share it with others, to limit that, to dim our luster, to cower in the fear of our own success or risk incurring the wrath of those who’d rather see us fail or even… HELL.
We’re taught to loathe arrogance when the meaning of arrogance is greatly determined by whoever has the least ___ in that situation. Whatever they are comfortable with is what is considered to be modest and appropriate. But you want to know the real difference between arrogance & modesty? Ask yourself this: what CEO have you ever met who wasn’t considered “arrogant” by the people who taught you to be humble? It’s a shaming technique. It’s a mental manipulation to keep certain groups of people from maximizing their potential. It’s a societal mindfuck… convince you it’s wrong to have self-esteem when their version of success requires it.
So I say do not believe that brainwashing. As long as you’re spot on about your ability and when it’s time to deliver you can do so, talk about it! Be confident in your knowledge, skill, handiwork, talent, whatever… you worked at honing it. You’ve EARNED this. As long as you aren’t condescending (and i mean truly condescending, not how people use it because they feel inadequate) or delusional, recognize other people’s abilities, and don’t take credit for what you didn’t do, you’re fine.
Hmph, you better believe “I am awesome and you will deal” will definitely be prominently featured in my child’s room.