To My Son, A Letter
My sweet boy, my peanut, my love, my wild thing,
We found out this week that you were a little boy. Sincere apologies for thinking you were a girl most days. But, of course, it all makes sense, you are our little man, our one-day big brother, our very first miracle. And I thought there were some things you should know from the very beginning. So here we go.
I know I won’t always understand you, and I certainly won’t always know what to do with you, but know that each and every step of the way, I’m trying and I’m learning and you better bet I’m doing it with intention.
I’ll be your cheerleader, your number one fan. I’ll stand by your side as you learn, and as you practice and perfect everything you do. I’ll acknowledge every success, and I’ll be there when you fail. Failure’s tough, but we all need it to grow. I hope I can help you learn that, too. And I can guarantee that I’ll embarrass you a little too much when you accomplish something particularly awesome. You’ll hate it, but know that each ounce of embarrassment is because I care. And because I clearly won’t care that I look like a fool (you are welcome to tell me that, too).
As much as I am going to want to shelter you from disappointment and loss and pain and heartbreak, it will happen. Places, things, and even people that you love will leave your life and it will be painful in a way you won’t think was possible. I will grieve with you however you need me. But I will also teach you how to understand these emotions, how to express them, how to cope, and how to move on. And I will be there, I will be your rock and your support the entire time.
There are a few tasks I’m going to make you do that you are certainly going to despise. You’ll likely complain about them and try to put them off, but I will have my reasons. Things such as laundry and dish washing and ironing and bed making- there’s a right way to do them and a sloppy way to do them. We’ll do them together, the right way. Hospital corners and all. Because, one day, your spouse will appreciate you just the tiniest bit more for knowing the right way to go about these things.
On the other hand. there’s a whole bunch I won’t be able to teach you. For that, you have the most wonderful circle of strong, intelligent, honest, crazy men who already love you to pieces and will make sure you know those things. They’ll be sure to teach you how to pee your name in the snow, how to wrestle powerfully, how to throw a ball, and how to properly ruin a perfectly good set of clothes. This is good. I promise not to get in the way. I’ll even promise to help you clean up once the fun is over. If you end up with a broken bone in the midst of all of this man-learning, I’ll probably be mad at your dad or uncle or grandpa or whoever, but I’ll be glad it happened because we all need those stories. Plus, even I climbed a decent tree in my youth. Oh, and don’t worry, your father will teach you how to shave when that day comes, too.
We’ll go to the park and we’ll play catch and we’ll dig in the dirt. We’ll share games of tag and soccer and HORSE whenever you want. When it’s raining and we’re stuck inside, we’ll build forts together and finger paint. And then when the day is done, I’ll read you a story. Your choice (although there’s a few I’m going to insist we get to eventually).
We’ll explore the world together. And then, when the time comes, I’ll let you go. It’s going to be the most difficult thing I ever do, and you’ll probably see me cry. But everything we do together, everything I do for you, it’s all for that one moment. And your father and I will be so proud of you.
You’re going to think we are perfect and we aren’t. We aren’t anywhere near perfect and we’ll make some big mistakes that we’ll wish we could take back and you’ll realize them one day, too. We’re learning as we go and you will be the best adventure we ever embark upon. So while your dad and I aren’t perfect, I can tell you this: you are about to be welcomed into the best, most perfect network of family and friends a little boy could dream of. And we’ll spend every single moment of our lives hoping to live up to that for you.
With love, Mom