You Refer To Dave Matthews As “Dave”

Okay, don’t get me wrong here, when you first started at work I thought you were super cute.  I mean, I still do, kinda.  You’ve got adorable freckles by your nose, and some pretty cool tattoos.  You seem extremely nice.  Interesting, too!  You used to live in New York and for some unexplainable reason decided to relocate to Midwest suburbia.  Is it creepy to say I even like your name?  But wait…something is wrong here.  Did you just say that you “are going to see Dave next weekend?"  Please tell me you just have a friend named Dave! No? SO what you meant was you are going to see The Dave Mathews Band this weekend? And you just call him Dave, like he’s your best friend or something?  Yeah.  Hmm. You know what, I take that back.  I don’t even think you are kinda cute anymore.

-Written By Mitch