You’re an Asshole When You Drive
I get it! You have places to go, people to see. Your life is just so important and so busy that everyone else in the free world should take notice and clear the way because, guess what, you’ve got things to do and you’ve got to let EVERYONE know!
Why should you waste your precious time getting from Point A to Point B by obeying traffic laws or sharing the blessed roads that have obviously been paved just for you? Those other people don’t have jobs or appointments to get to, and they certainly don’t have lives that run on fucking schedules! Just because a trip down the road should only take you 10 minutes, it doesn’t mean you can’t make it in three! Safety and fellow passengers be damned–you are immune to death.
Four cars in front of you are following the speed limit? They’re adding precious seconds to your normal commute? HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE! Show them who’s boss–go ahead and endanger countless lives while you recklessly pass them! And, hey, intimidate them while you’re at it! A few carefully chosen words hurled their way (that they’ll never actually hear through their rolled up windows, but they’ll feel your rage regardless), with a few delicate hand gestures thrown in for good measure, will do wonders for your drive time! Road rage? Nah, it’s just “Road Responsibility”! Give yourself props and a pat on the back as you careen down those busy roadways because, hey, your cavalier attitude is certainly your best attribute. You know how to take charge!
These blasted people, these fellow drivers that you’ll most likely never share a road with again, they’ll certainly change their ways once your two-second interaction is complete! They’ll think, “Hey, this person is on to something! Maybe if I honk my horn 20 times and ride someone’s bumper ‘til it falls off…well, maybe all these donkeys on the road will begin to care about my time and my schedule and stop going about their pathetic lives like the lesser people they are!”
You are, quite obviously, the ruler of the road, and if people don’t notice, make them.
-Written by TotallyNotKelsey
