The unexamined life is not worth living
I write poetry mostly. And other things that I want to write about. Actually looking to publish, but that's a distant dream at this point~
feeling vs reason
something’s been nagging me for the past few weeks about my relationship with buddhism. one of my professors said that he believes in christianity because of the evidence, of the logic, of the reason - that God must exist (he has a number of arguments to prove that I won’t illustrate here) and so that is why he believes in God. True, there’s pretty churches, nice songs, feelings of wonder and ecstatic, transcendental joy you see in Christians when they’re buoyed by the singing crowd - but those are just feelings, and feelings don’t last. what lasts is reason.
this made me slightly wonder and worry about my own relationship with buddhism. i usually want to go back to buddhism (e.g. go and look for dhamma talks online to listen to, try and read dhamma books, meditate (haha!)) mainly because i get a comfy feeling - the sort of feeling you get when you were a kid and your mom carries you and pets your hair - like that sort of comfy, homey feeling that - oh, i’m at the right place. this is home. maybe my parents being buddhists too makes me engage in it more - i also feel a similar way when i look for all things of their home country.
so, am i engaging in buddhism because of feeling or because i think it’s the right path to go to?
buddham saranam gacchami, dhammam saranam gacchami, sangham saranam gacchami (sorry if i spelt it wrong, this just comes from my memory of how it sounds like) - i believe it means “i take refuge in the buddha, dhamma and sangha” respectively. well, that i do, it’s definitely a refuge for me. is that how buddha meant it?
here are reasons why i think i might be connecting with buddhism cos of the good feels instead of the stuff they say:
- i don’t question it a lot. most things i take for granted (hence i realised the need to engage in some “active learning” and start writing this blog haha. is it because i fear that it is wrong? is it because i don't want it to be wrong, and that i want my refuge to be all flawless and right? soln: but buddha himself said question the heck out of it, right? (paraphrased, sorry buddha XP) so i guess that’s what i should do.
- i don’t spend my time looking around for other religions and other schools of thought. if i really want to seek the truth, i should be doing this, right? but my parents’ voices tell me inside “this is right, don’t waste time looking for other stuff”. i dunno. i think i should (as a young, “open-minded” person - you know that stereotype right, haha. uni is the time to experiment). only once you see what’s out there you know how good home is. wisdom does not have a copyright. engage more in the culture of the world. i think i’ll do a balance, like 2/3 buddhism and 1/3 other.
- i like most quiet places of worship. be it temple or christian church or chapel, i feel great and peaceful when i just sit down and absorb the good feels from it. i guess i can interpret it as i just value peacefulness in general, or that i’m into religion (buddhism) because of the peaceful feeling it gives me (and not because of any solid truth).
anyway, sadhu sadhu sadhu all (: