Alternative Holiday Celebrations
by Lisette Cheresson
The holidays can be the most wonderful time of the year, to be sure, but for many people who don’t have an abundance of family or live far from them, the holidays can be tough. According to Newsday columnist and work-life balance expert Anne Michaud, “the holidays can magnify both our feelings of inclusion and not belonging.” While many families resemble a Norman Rockwell painting, she writes in a recent Newsday piece, other families are so awkward and contentious they “are so post-nuclear they look like Fukushima I after the tsunami.”
Michaud notes that while at her daughter’s recent marching bad concert she remarked to another mother how wonderful the program was for their children’s sense of inclusion. The other mother replied that she thinks everyone needs that, and according to Michaud, “with perhaps a few exceptions, she’s right.” Human society is based on the premise that we all need and rely on each other to function.
This idea is especially pertinent in the wake of Nelson Mandela’s death. Mandela was an outspoken proponent of a South African philosophy known as Ubuntu, which dates back to the 1950s and the writings of Jordan Kush Ngubane. Ubuntu, a Nguni Bantu term that roughly translates to “human kindness,” is a philosophy that propagates that human society—not a transcendent being—is what gives humans their humanity. In his Intellectual History in Contemporary South Africa, Michael Onyebuchi Eze writes, “humanity is a quality we owe to each other. We create each other and need to sustain this otherness creation.”
During the holiday season, however, this premise backfires for many people who live far from their families or loved ones. Luckily, the emphasis placed on traditional holiday celebrations seems to be waning. The popularity of “Friendsgiving,” writes Michaud, is one such example. Friendsgiving, like the less-oft celebrated “Friendsukkah,” or “Friendsmas,” is a celebration that mimics the traditional holiday but celebrated with—you guessed it—friends instead of family.
According to Michaud, “the tradition’s exact origin is unknown, although it may derive from the old NBC sitcom Friends.” It may be less formal than a traditional family celebration: “Hey, we’re drinking rum from Mason jars and the centerpiece is a squash,” Michaud writes, “but at least no aunt is asking when we’ll be producing offspring.” Yet Friendsbrations like these have come to be just as important during the holiday season—especially for those who don’t have a relationship with their family or those living far from it.
Part of living intentionally is the willful consideration of those around you. This holiday season keep your eyes open and consider your friends, acquaintances, even strangers with whom you have regular contact. Would they benefit from an invitation to an alternative holiday celebration? Are you able to invite them to your personal celebration? Would hosting or throwing a Friendsbration be a boon to people you know and love?
The holiday season is prime time to initiate a more intentional, considerate way of life. One step toward this could be the creation of a new tradition, such as the ones Michaud suggests. But remember, writes Michaud, “just don’t tell Mom if you like it more.”
Krayons & Karma managing editor Lisette Cheresson is a freelance writer, editor, and filmmaker living in New York City. An avid traveler, dirt-collector, composter, hiker, dancer, and lover-of-yoga, Lisette’s work has appeared in Off Track Planet, The Huffington Post, a selection of New York Times books, TheRag literary magazine, and as a Glimmer Train contest finalist. Her films can be watched at www.flyoverpics.com.
Image from the author’s own Friendsgiving celebration. Thanks to Mina and Rich for the super special meal!