Jeremiah moved in slow motion. His crisp black leather jacket rippled under the movement. He climbed out of his chair and edged toward me with a look of wild urgency on his oak-golden face. I thought He looks so funny moving his arms and legs like that.

But, I couldn’t speak, or laugh.

Everyone was staring at me. I tried to inhale, again, so that I could excuse Jeremiah’s odd movements, but I’d forgotten and then remembered that I couldn’t breathe. Not through my mouth, nor my nose. The uncomfortable wicker seat slipped from beneath me, and I was on the ground with my hands around my neck, squeezing tight as if could muster oxygen like leftover toothpaste from a tube.

I could see the dark crawling in, like an animal, at the edge of my vision. Jeremiah kneeled above me, mouthing shouts in every direction, even in the general direction of the fumbling waiter, William, who was carrying my crème brulee. I wanted to insist that William bring an extra spoon so that Jeremiah and I could share, but before I could, everything cut to black.

–

She’s waking up. I heard it as a whisper. It sounded like the gentle cross between a child who was not familiar to me and an adult who I knew well. Kansas, wake up, baby… My eyes felt heavy but I was compelled to open them, I was being drawn from unconsciousness whether I wanted to be or not. I blinked my eyes open but felt like there were webs drawn over them. My eyes flickered at the blurriness until the blurriness was gone.

 Jeremiah, my ex-boyfriend, was leaning over me, and my fiancé, Charles approached the bedside from behind him. They were both smiling. My heart gripped.
“What happened?” I struggled to say, suddenly feeling tethered to the bed by the insulin drip, heart monitor, and the catheter wedged deep within my body. Jeremiah pressed his finger to my mouth, and Charles gave a consenting nod.

“Don’t talk… I’ll tell you,” Jeremiah said with a sigh. He stood erect, rubbed at his face and met Charles’ eyes. The look that the two men exchanged made my stomach writhe with unease. “Three months ago…”

“Three months?” I asked with a strain, attempting to sit forward, but I was knocked back by fatigue. I thought about all of the things that I might’ve missed; all of the memes that were made, morphed and maimed; and all the unwanted body hair that might’ve grown on my body.

“Three months ago,” he repeated, “when we were at dinner, your throat closed …causing your brain to shut down and you went into a coma.” He touched my forehead with a father’s tenderness. “You’re so very lucky to be alive.” I shook my head, and pushed his hand away, feeling my eyes begin to sting. I looked over at Charles, whose eyes were so lush with tears that it seemed to affect his posture. He slumped forward in a strange way. His left shoulder rested forward almost as if he was an ape.

“They don’t know why it happened, your throat just closed,” Charles said, forcibly moving Jeremiah back so that he could lean toward me, and close in for a kiss. I could see Jeremiah’s hurt eyes just beyond Charles’ head, and then he looked away. I wondered if Jeremiah had ever thought to tell Charles why he and I were out to dinner… maybe he already had, and maybe he told him more.

Charles was away on business. It was the third week of a six-week business trip that took him to Japan. I was home, watching whatever nameless television special, and Jeremiah showed up at my apartment, sweating like he’d just run the four miles from his job to my home. I was ready to turn him away. After all, wasn’t he tired of the constant rejection and my dismissal of all of his apologies? Wasn’t he sick of the “I’m with someone better than you” spiels? We, Jeremiah and I, we had a long, deep-rooted history. Four years of a relationship preceded by four years of friendship, but Jeremiah had no plans for the future. He was steeped in the “now,” not concerned about life after tomorrow, and I needed assurances that he wasn’t willing. Love was there, but, as they say, it wasn’t enough, not nearly. So, I left him, and I found Charles… a successful, yet tender man, who wanted nothing more than to settle down and make a future with the right woman.

Then, Jeremiah kissed me, and, again, I was his.

His mouth crashed against mine, and I felt every moment of our existence in that kiss –our bubbling bar beginnings to the sorrowful sex we had the last night that we were together. And, everything in between. We stumbled into my apartment with our hands all over each other’s body, and we managed to make it beyond the couch, but not into the bedroom. It wasn’t supposed to happen that way. I loved Charles and I wouldn’t hurt him purposely, but Jeremiah and I shared a passion that couldn’t be captured by words. His touch was electric, it crept up my body and it set me on fire.

Nonetheless, the night that we, Jeremiah and I, were at the restaurant, I had invited him there to break things off. Charles was a good man and didn’t deserve to be deceived. I planned to sever things before he ever found out. Of course, I never got a chance to.

“So, Ms. Meadows, you’re finally awake,” a male doctor said, appearing in front of the door. He was in his early forties. His hair was lightly salted, otherwise, he had an amber mane like Charles.  His nameplate read, Norton.

“She responsive, gentleman?” He asked, looking at my two men.

“Very responsive, doc.” Charles said, nodding his head. The doctor smiled.

“Good.” He took quick notes on his clipboard. “You’ve left our team of doctors completely baffled. Can you tell me a few things about your medical history?”  I nodded. ”These gentlemen helped about as much as they possibly could, but couldn’t give me all the fine details.” The doctor slapped a hand on Charles and Jeremiah’s shoulders. And, for a moment, the gesture seemed slight Old Testament…slightly Jesus and at his last supper. I frowned.

“Any allergies? Medications?”  Dr. Norton asked, readying his pen for his paper. I opened my mouth to speak, but couldn’t. And, this time, it wasn’t because I couldn’t breathe, but rather because I couldn’t remember.

“I can’t…um, it’s escaped me. I don’t know,” I struggled to say, rubbing my throat and feeling a scar. I closed my eyes and knew how I must’ve acquired it. They were forced to place a blade to my throat and slice, and then a tube was inserted so that I could breathe. It undoubtedly saved my life.

I looked up at the men and was surprised to see the look of concern on their faces. Yes, it probably is strange. I shouldn’t have forgotten things.

“Do you know your name?” the doctor asked, coming over and checking my pupils with the light. It hurts my eyes, so I closed them. “Do you know your name?” he repeated. Jeremiah tightened his hand on my leg.

“Meadow. Kansas Meadow,” I said, feeling my words snag a bit on phantom tension in my throat. California-breed, like my mother before me, so the name was a strange choice, at least, I always thought so. Jeremiah smiled at me, and I felt my heart flutter a little. Charles, who I assumed was watching us, had no effect on my heart when I look at him. Jeremiah looked away from me when he realized that Charles hadn’t lifted his eyes from us.

“Good, well, if you remember any of your allergies or medications, then call the nurse, and she’ll jot them down,” Dr. Norton said, nodding his head at each of us.  “Otherwise, your vitals are looking good, and you’re getting some color back in your cheeks. I’ll check in on you later.” He left the room.

Jeremiah and Charles turned their attention back to me. I felt like I was a television …and not a person, their eyes burning over me like they were tuning in for the turn of the plot after the commercial break. Stay tuned. It was awkward. Charles moved to the other side of the bed. His tall body was leaner, and he moved with ease.

“So, Jeremiah told me that he and you were at dinner the night of your accident,” Charles said, stroking my chestnut hair, which felt scratchy against my head and neck. “But, he never explained why…” His voice seemed to vibrate with unsaid unease.

I looked at Jeremiah. The jig was up. I was a fool to think there was a possibility that Charles wasn’t suspicious. Though, Charles was painfully oblivious, he wasn’t a stupid man.

“Who remembers… we must’ve bumped into one another on the street, man,” Jeremiah said, suddenly incensed.

Charles didn’t look up at Jeremiah as he spoke. He continued to smile down at me, almost like a maniac. He then put his hands in his pockets and sat on the edge of the bed. He turned his body completely toward me.

“Baby, I was thinking that as soon as you get out of here, we should get married. I know that we weren’t planning for another year, but if I’ve learned anything from this ordeal it’s, why wait, right?” Charles said. *INTERNAL GASP*

“Maybe you should hold off on that, she just got out of a coma for Christ’s sake,” Jeremiah cried, wildly.

Charles snapped his head to the side and threw daggers at Jeremiah with his eyes. “Would you shut the fuck up? I’m talking to my future wife,” Charles said, aggressively. He looked back at me with a look that was as calm and cool as a summer breeze. “So, how about it, baby? We can elope. It’ll be romantic. Besides, you always say that I’m not spontaneous enough.”

I stared at them both, and I loved them both. And, Lord knows that I was completely ready to marry Charles until Jeremiah showed up that day. I had filed Jeremiah away under ‘Ex’, and didn’t expect him to waltz back into my life, especially after the way things ended.

I knew that if I told Charles that we should wait, Jeremiah would take it as some sort of sign that he and I were still going to be together.  And, Charles, Charles would be so offended.

I closed my eyes, not because I was tired or sleepy, but because I wanted to think. I wondered if it would be obvious that I didn’t want to discuss this if I pretended to pass out.

“Are you alright?” Jeremiah asked, touching my shoulder and rubbed it powerfully. I groaned because of the familiar comfort.

“Yeah, Jerry, I’m okay,” I said, opening my eyes, realizing that I was finally able to speak without it being a struggle. Charles was staring at Jeremiah’s hand on my shoulder.

“You don’t need to touch her. She said she was alright, so feel free to get your fucking hands off of her.” Charles said, his voice vibrating with anger, again.

Jeremiah looked at him, surprised, and then down at me. He gave out a long laugh. “Why don’t you calm down, okay? I’m not doing anything that she doesn’t want me to do.”

“Stop it, okay…” I moaned, sitting upward. The testosterone was thick, and I was starting to feel uncomfortable. They both glared down at me. The anger flickered in their eyes, flaring up between them. “Why don’t you both, just calm down.” They looked at me and then turned their attention back toward each other.

“Time for her wash-up,” a young nurse said, wandering into the room with a big smile, a basin, and a sponge. She looked at me and jumped. “Oh, you’re awake… ” She looked at the two men and then back at me. “Um, you can clean yourself up, if you’re able to get –“

Charles’ phone began to ring.

“Sorry, I have to take this,” he said, putting the phone to his ear and rushing out of the room.

“Like I was saying, you can clean yourself up if you like, or I can give you the ol’ once over with the sponge,” she said with a smile.

“I’ll clean myself up,” I said, sitting in the fully upright position and pulling the covers off of my body. I placed my foot on the cold linoleum, stepped out of bed, and collapsed to the ground. The catheter tugged painfully at my groin the whole way down, and the other tethering devices made me feel like Pinocchio. I gave out a loud cry. The nurse and Jeremiah rushed to my aid, lifting me like I weighed less than a sack of potatoes.

“Are you alright?” the nurse asked. I nodded. She covered me with the sheet and instructed that Jeremiah look away so she could remove the catheter. “You probably just need to stretch a little,” she said, referring to the previous incident after the tube was removed from my body. Jeremiah turned back to face us, worry still on his face. The nurse turned me, and quickly tapped at my knee, testing reflexes and she nodded with satisfaction as they jerked about. “Well, I’m going to go, I have a few other patients to check on. The bathroom is right through those doors,” she said, then turned her attention toward Jeremiah. “Can you help her?” He nodded, and she turned and left the room. I tried to get up again.

“Wait,” Jeremiah said, coming over to help me.

“Maybe you should leave,” I said, exhausted. He gave me a look of astonishment.

“I’ve been here,” he declared, and the words hung in the air for a long time before he continued. “I have been here with you every day while you were in your coma, and you’re telling me to leave?” His voice lowered to a sort of whisper. “This is the first time that he’s come to see you in three weeks. Three fucking weeks.He will never care about you as much as I do, okay? It took him a fucking week to get out here when you first went into the coma. Now, tell me does that sound like someone that loves you?” He stared at me as if he was waiting for me to answer the question, his broad chest heaving. “No, it doesn’t. I love you, and I know you love me.” Tears were wailing in his eyes. He leaning forward, brushed my hair back with an open hand and then placed his hand carefully against my chest, over my heart, and kissed me. I tried to turn my mouth to avoid the kiss, but once he found my mouth, I knew that I couldn’t pull away. He rested his mouth against mine for a long time. I touched my hand to his face and then wrapped my arm around his neck, pulling him against me, intensifying the kiss.

Footsteps approached the doorway, and I pushed Jeremiah back.

“What are you two doing?” he asked, looking at us with reservation.

“He was just helping me to the bathroom,” I said, pleading with my eyes.  He scanned us with his eyes, reading the guilt that I tried desperately to hide.

“Alright,” he said, slowly, watching us as if we were naughty children. “Well, I have to go, Kansas, I’ve already missed a meeting and I’m late for another one. But, I’ll be back soon.” He kissed me. He flashed his eyes over to Jeremiah. “Watch yourself.” 

“Why don’t you just leave?” Jeremiah responded. Charles stepped close to Jeremiah.

“She’s mine, alright? It’s about time you get that through your thick skull.  She let you go, and you need to respect her and do fucking the same,” Charles barked into Jeremiah’s face, shoving his pointer finger into Jeremiah’s chest. Jeremiah stumbled back but had a cookie-stealing grin on his face. Charles turned away, rubbing his brow. He grabbed his suitcase from the floor and stepped in the direction of the door.

“But, she hasn’t let me go.” Jeremiah said in a voice just loud of enough to command Charles’ attention, and prompt him to turn toward him. I wanted to slap Jeremiah’s mouth, and tried, but he stepped out of reach.  “You’re always away on your business trips. Japan, Uruguay, London…and you, what, expected her to sit here with her hands folded in her lap? She loves me, and I’ve been helping to keep those hands busy.”

Before I could say anything Charles rushed across the room and tackled Jeremiah, and the men flew back hitting a low counter. Jeremiah howled in pain but continued to scrap with Charles.

“Stop! Stop it god damn it or I will call security, and they will haul you both the fuck out.” I screamed, shaking a button that I was sure would beckon a nurse. They didn’t respond to my threat, so I stood to my feet and struggled toward them, almost an arm’s hair away before I collapsed to the ground. Jeremiah pulled away from Charles in order to help me up, but Charles threw his shoulder into Jeremiah, causing him to fall on the floor with a thud.

“Tell me that isn’t true!” Charles screamed down at me. I recoiled from the volume, and the room seemed to sting with an angry echo. “Tell me that you don’t still love him. Tell me that you didn’t fuck this bastard in our home. Tell me now!” His eyes were filled tears so plump that I could see them roll free of the bulb, and I cried too… in apology. He should have never found out, and certainly not this way. “Tell me,” he demanded, again.

I began to shake my head, but mouth the word ‘Yes’ while blubbering. “Yes, it’s true… I didn’t mean for it to happen, Charles.” I reached my hand out at him, unsure of whether he’d take it, and he didn’t.

“You’re lying.” Charles sobbed, and he stepped back looking at me as If I was something Picasso had painted during his surrealism period. “This can’t be true. You’re lying.”

“She isn’t.” Jeremiah said in a quiet voice, and Charles looked over at him. Jeremiah’s usual boisterousness set aside, and he’d stated the words almost as if he felt genuinely sorry for Charles.

The door to the room swung open, and I half expected it to security to cart us all away. No doubt we had to have been disturbing sick individuals who sought nothing but peace. The doctor came in with a clipboard in hand and a horse smile that drew back all the way to his ears.
“I’ve been going over initial notes, and I’ve got it!” He looked at all three of us, expectantly, and we blinked at him, still displaying misery on our faces, but he continued anyway. “Your throat closed because you had an in-flared larynx, which cut off your air supply, causing cardiac arrest. Initial scans didn’t show all this because of the severe amount of swelling after admission and before the surgery. If we hadn’t gotten you here in time, well…let’s just say that we got you here in time.” He was proud of himself, and it was obvious on his face until he took a closer look at each of our faces –and the fact that, both, Jeremiah and I were on the floor. “Is everything alright?”

“I’m out of here,” Charles said, visibly shaking with anger. He grabbed his bag, pushed past the doctor and stomped out of the room.

“Charles!” I called after him.

Even if this was going to be the end, it shouldn’t be like this –not with me being unfaithful or cruel. I reached over to the bed and used it to pull myself up. I stumbled over to the door, grabbing the doctor for stability, and fell into the hall and onto the wall on opposite side of the hall. My stability began to recover as I shuffled my weak legs. I was able to lift my feet completely from the ground, and I sped around the corner, grabbing Charles’ shoulder before he hit the elevator button.

He turned and shoved me, and I nearly fell. “You’ve been fucking him? The whole time, huh, you fucking slut? After saying you loved me? After I paid all of your expensive fucking hospital bills?” He looked away from, rubbed his face and weakly punched the wall. He pulled his fist against his body as if it hurt.

“I never meant for this to…it was a mistake. I didn’t plan it. He and I, we were done…and –”
“ –Do  you love him?” he yelled over me. I opened my mouth to deny the affection, but couldn’t. I couldn’t lie about all those nights that Jeremiah and I laid next to one another, laughing  and discussing what things would be like if (*insert a number of things*). But, I loved Charles, too, there was no confusion about that.

“Yes,” I said, defeated. Charles nodded, as satisfied as a devastated man could be. “But –”

“ –When you leave this hospital,” Charles stated, his voice suddenly clear and impersonal. He had that cold hard look that I imagined he had when he was handling large figure deals. “you won’t have anywhere to live…well, maybe somewhere, but not with me. You are not allowed in my home. I’m going hire a service to pack up all of your shit, and it’ll be sent to that bastard’s house. You can keep the fucking ring; I’m keeping your flat screen.” He hit the elevator button, and it spread its teeth almost immediately, and then snap shut after he pounded at the ‘Door Close’ button, even though an older woman was approaching, waving, begging for it to be held.

I sagged to the ground and slumped to the side, crying loudly like a widow; my cries making the walls hum and imitate my sadness.

Hands lifted me so that my head wasn’t on the floor, and I was drawn into arms. Jeremiah’s touch and scent brought me an immediate comfort, and that made me cry more.

“Calm down,” Jeremiah instructed with a whisper, pressing his mouth against my hair, hugging me so close that I could feel the seven buttons on his button-up. “Don’t cry. It was wrong of us to do this today. You just woke up.” He rocked me faster in his arms. “But, you did wake up, baby.” Jeremiah gave a tired chortle, a short cry and was quiet for a brief moment. “And, I started to think you never would.” He turned my body, rubbing his forehead into mine, clearing my crazed hair from my face. “I didn’t lose you,” he said, kissing my mouth. I opened my eyes, sniffling, and watched his eyes, and I saw the current of love flooring through. I read the months of worry in those eyes, and the gratitude for my life. “Let’s get back to your room, okay?” he asked. I nodded.

I was quiet as we walked back to the room, ignoring the looks from doctors, patients, nurses and anyone who was observing. We crossed the threshold and Jeremiah helped into the bed, pulling the blanket over my body.

“I’ll go turn on the shower for you,” he said, turning away.

“Jerry,” I said, barely using my voice at all. He pivoted, waiting for me to speak. “I’m happy that I didn’t lose you.”

He gave me a teary smile, pushing away quick rolling tears. Then, walked over and gave me one long pleasant kiss on the mouth before he entered the bathroom, and ran the hot water, so that we might get clean.

The movie ends, the credits roll, and you’re still sitting there in the movie theater, grinning over the residual effects of the couple’s clumsy kiss, enthusiastic sex…or their bold efforts to save the world. Viewers savor movies like this because it gives them a chance to bask in inflated Hollywood love stories, so they can indulge in love that they know or have yet to experience. Sometimes, the love that transpires between two characters can seem larger than the screen; and we can only imagine that if these lovers were real, they’d be the couples that everyone glared at with envy.

Their Eyes Were Watching God: Halle Berry & Michael Ealy

The telefilm Their Eyes Were Watching God, based on the soulful novel written by Zora Neale Hurston, places Berry’s character (Janie Crawford) opposite Ealy’s character (Tea Cake).  After two difficult marriages, Janie finds love with Tea Cake, who is younger than her and has questionable motives. Even so, the two run away and fall in love, however the movie ends with Janie having to shoot Tea Cake who is driven mad by rabies. While Berry and Ealy may seem like a surprising pairing, the two set the screen ablaze with their fiery chemistry. The pair leaves audiences blushing with their television-acceptable yet mouth dropping love scene. With the exception of the tragic ending, I would love if these two lovers were real. Click here to view the video which recaps their romance through clips from the movie.

Love & Basketball: Sanaa Lathan &  Omar Epps

Love & Basketball, written and directed by Gina Prince-Bythewood, is about the unfurling love between two close friends, Monica (Sanaa Lathan) and Quincy (Omar Epps). The two struggle with their friendship and intimate relationship because of jealousy and rifts in communication. The pivotal moment in the film, however, is when Monica challenges Quincy to a game, insisting that if she wins then  he should call off his wedding. Quincy wins the game; which momentarily leaves Monica defeated, but he decides that he does, in fact, love her. Lathan and Epps do a stellar job in portraying the well-paired, basketball-savvy lovers, showcasing the complexities of teenage/young adult relationships. The whole “if they, will they” tango is probably the most attractive aspect of the movie, and the fact that ‘they do’ makes it all that more desirable.

Brown Sugar: Sanaa Lathan & Taye Diggs

Similar to the dynamics of the last Sanaa Lathan feature, this movie is about two young people, Sidney (Sanaa Lathan) and Dre (Taye Diggs), and the love that grows between them as they settle into adulthood. The love of hip hop is a major theme in this movie, being vocal about artists is how the two characters communicate feelings and emotions to one another without being vulnerable. The two, suddenly aware of their sexual attraction, are forced to ignore their feelings due to obligations to other partners. When Sidney talks about her new book on the radio, entitled, “I used to love H.I.M,” abstractly about her love affair with hip hop –but obviously about her love of Dre, Dre mirrors those feeling and hurries to the station to make his feelings known, asking Sidney when she first fell in love with “hip hop.” Lathan and Diggs carry the roles in a way that perfectly exhibits the characters’ confusion, awareness and stubbornness.

The Wood: Malinda Williams & Sean Nelson

Filmed to showcase the past and the present friendships of four men, at its core, The Wood is a movie which follows the love life of the lead character, Mike (Sean Nelson).  Mike falls hard for Alicia (Malinda Williams) who initially seems unattainable, but turns out to be a fairly mild-mannered girl, down-to-earth girl who’s simply fed up with being treated like a sexual commodity. The young pair progressing in their attraction to one another, trade virginities, and then date throughout their high school career. Williams and Nelson portrayal of the doting couple is genuine, reminding viewers of their own clumsy history with that once special boy or girl.

Deliver Us From Eva: LL Cool J & Gabrielle Union

The title character, Eva (Gabrielle Union), is the domineering leader of her sisters, which drives the significant others of the sisters crazy. Then, the men banded together to elect the assistance of Ray (LL Cool J). who pursues and seduces Eva, making her a more lax individual. As the love between Ray and Eva becomes authentic, Ray wants to tell Eva the truth, but the men will not allow her.

Independence Day: Vivica Fox & Will Smith

Seemingly, the world is ending, the earth is invaded by aliens and the leading couple, Captain Steven Hiller (Will Smith) and Jasmine Dubrow (Vivica A Fox), is separated by circumstances. Independence Day, out of all of the other movies, creates a healthy relationship dynamic between to fairly unlikely characters, Fox –an exotic dancer/mother/heroine and Smith, an army-trained alien offensive officer. Both characters are independent, but they search for one another, finally safe when they’re back in one another’s arms. While there was no particular heat between these two characters, there was  love, understanding and appreciation. This, you know, is ideal for any relationship.

Coming to America: Eddie Murphy & Shari Headley

Prince Akeem (Eddie Murphy) travels all the way to America to find a bride, leaving behind his wealth, title and home nation of Zamunda. In pursuit of this goal, he decides that he wants to be loved purely for his personal qualities -sans the riches and status. Enter: the daughter of a man, who owns a McDonald-esque restaurant, Lisa (Shari Headley) who’s a down-to-earth, friendly good-nurtured woman. While under the impression that Eddie Murphy is a pauper, she falls in love with him –only to later discover that he is a prince. After the initial feelings of deceit, they make up and the couple returns to Zamunda, where they marry.  The most charming part of the movie is that Murphy lays it all on the line. He gives the choice to her, whether to relinquish all  of his riches or to bathe in it –suggesting that he would give up anything for her and give her anything shows how devoted he is.

-Nicole Thompson (Madame Noire,“True” Love: Fictional Lovers That We Wish Were Rea)

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i love my family first, because they love me. My twin sister, in particular, proves to me that God gives us earthly guides in the form of human vessels. if it wasn’t for my sister, i don’t know if i’d even be strong enough for this long (but very short) adventure we have on this earth. so, i can celebrate valentine’s day for that reason, alone…because i’m not alone.