No Seriously. These are some of my 3am thoughts:

1. Did Cher Horowitz really settle for Paul Rudd after saving herself for Luke Perry? Luckily and if you've seen Luke lately, you know it wasn't the woooorst decision in the world.

2. There should really be weight limits for bathing suit shopping.  There is no reason why we all have to suffer watching a fat person in a fringe bikini desperately try to get all 300lbs on top of the raft. 

3. There are three types of people to stay away from based on movie choices: Men who's favorite movie is "American Psycho," mothers of toddler girls that haven't seen "Frozen," and elementary school students who watch "Chucky" movies.

4.  Balloons are the fucking worst.  When they start to lose air, they float into your room in the middle of the night when the air conditioner is on and scare the shit out of you and force you to wake up your husband to stab it, take out the air, and put it in the fucking trash before you put him in the trash for buying it.