so i was talking with a trans guy the other day and it was about dresses, and how some trans guys just really like dresses but we are still viewing things from a gender sterotyped hypermasculinty ‘clothes are totally gendered’ view.
The last time I wore a dress was for my sisters wedding, I was a brides…man and couldn’t get out of it. The first time I tried the shoes I was fine, they were pretty shoes, but when I wore the dress I had a panic attack and started bawling my god damn eyes out, the bra felt disgusting the dress was gross and it triggered my dysphoria. That was a little over a year ago.
today I took a bath and thought about my discussion with my friend, the other trans man. In my closet I still have a dress that I have kept because it is my favorite and it fits me very well, I have never worn it out though.
So today out of an impulse that I didn’t ignore and didn’t think too hard about or I would never do it for fear of my weak masculinity even though I’m a pretty feminine trans dude (I gotta a lot of problematic baggage to unpack) I tried on the dress—it fucking fit like a dream and it even works with my binder.
I guess in this stage of my life I’m not as weakly set in my gender as I thought I was and perhaps I have begun to sweat out all the problematic binary gender sterotyped shit I ate as a young transitioning teen, or maybe it’s just to spite all the people who say that as soon as I wear a dress I’m revoking my man card or that I was lying about my male gender this entire time or whatever they want to say.
Either way, this took me a lot of courage and I guess I’m writing this little shit post for anyone who’s reading it and questioning if they really are who they say they are. My answer to you is, yes, you will always be you, no matter what stage in your life. If you think you’re trans you probably are and if that turns out to be true or not it doesn’t have to have been a mistake because it was you then at that exact moment even if you changed later, it was a building block that you had to make, form and step on to be you who you are today. And I’m so proud of you for being who you are today.
this also really honed in on the fact for me that clothes are not gendered, stop gendering them—I say as a binary trans man still learning about myself and the best way to help others and not perpetute garbage that harms the trans community. You can wear whatever you want (as long as it’s not apporpriation) and if anyone questions you on your gender because of it, or if they dictate how you can and cannot look, if they say you’re not “really trans!” or “no really an X, Y or Z!” then fuck them. Pity them, because they still have a lot more learning and less loathing to do.
Signed, a boy in a dress
ahhhh thank you, dude, this resonates like fuck. you are an inspiration. i too have one dress in my closet; it’s green and made of the softest material ever and fits me really well and looks like a toga, so much so that i’ve been able to convince myself it’s not super gendered. i still never wear it out.
a few weeks ago, i’d just had a great PT session, which always reduces my body dysphoria for some reason—getting in touch with your body? making it do things you want? i don’t know—and i was like, fuck it, i want to wear this dress because it’s comfy and i don’t give a shit. so i did! and it was great, but i also had to go back to my room around midday and change, because it wore on me. the dress was great; being afraid of being perceived as a girl, not so much. it was a valuable experience, i think, because even though i’m female-reading i’m not female-presenting and it’s not until then that i realized there’s that much difference.
but the point, i think, is that i would like to be able to wear that dress out some day and really not give a fuck. i’m also a pretty ~femme trans dude, and sometimes i don’t even know if i’m “really” a boy or just boyish. all i know is i like when my weird gender feelings are recognized. and maybe that’s enough. maybe it’s enough to just be what i am today, and be what i am tomorrow, and wear sparkly blue nail polish if i goddamn want to.
EEEE I’m so glad this picture resonated with you in such a way, and I totally know what you mean about how it can wear you out—I wore this dress and cooked a little with it on but that was as long as I could keep it on before some unsavory thoughts came into my head, but even just that is and was a big step, so don’t feel bad about that. c: Also your dress sounds hella nice and comfy <3
;u; yeah! <3
