every girl that dreams of dating a bearded uptown hipster with a bike

Date: 2010-02-12, 4:05AM CST

let me just remind you that when you take away the fixed-gear bike, the messenger bag, the scarf that’s worn year-round, the ironic t-shirt, the dumb shoes, the pbr, the tattoos, plugs, and the stupid beard, we all look the same.

so, are you really in love with a guy or his accessories? or is it that you’re in love with the whimsical idea of an urban lumberjack type who will go on “adventures” with you, meanwhile being perfectly content with doing what every other human being our age does: drinking and fucking?

also, tell me about the last black guy you dated. what’s that? you can’t? cause every fucking uptown hipster is a white boy from the suburbs.

the uptown wannabes from the suburbs grow up idolizing the current inhabitants. when they’re old enough, they move there, grow beards and do the stupid shit that kids do (eg. drink). what’s ironic is that this new generation then grows up and becomes the new kids to be idolized by the new uptown wannabes from the suburbs. it’s an endless cycle of superficiality, facades, and stupid kids seeking affirmation from their peers.

the truth is, NONE OF YOU ARE COOL!

i wish i could be there, 20 years from now, when you look back at pictures of yourselves from today. it’s like explaining zubas in the 90s to someone today.

irony is not timeless.

marry a guy with a yacht.