Ruined beyond repair

There’s only so much I can bear

I wear my pain with a straight face because

I know my place and I know where I stand.

Grand scheme of things I’m an ant in the world’s biggest anthill.

In my brain I’m one of the dead.

Do you have any idea what it’s like waking up one morning

And realizing that your heart froze overnight?

That you lost all of your might and your power?

That you refuse to give any other person the keys to your soul?

That you are without a doubt alone?

I’m doing this thing right now as we speak

Where I’m shutting people out and even at their peak

I’m like “I’m fine, don’t worry, it’s just two Klonopins and some red wine.”

But inside I’m like “I’m dying but I don’t want that burden on you.”

A people pleaser to a fault it seems. 

I cry myself to sleep every night but god forbid I stain your shirt with my tears.

The most fucked up thing? I have those who are okay with stained shirts.

I’m just too scared to do the staining.