I Draw Sometimes
My dayjob is concept artist for the Sims 4. But at night I yell about D&D and draw shipping artwork nobody asked for.
As kind of an addition to that previous post, in dealing with manipulative relationships in general (not saying ‘the roomy’ in that situation is necessarily a manipulative ass, he could have done it without really thinking; I don’t know him, its not right for me to comment)…
One thing that helped me in severing toxic relations was to really take a strong step back from the situation and think for a brief moment: what are YOU honestly getting out of the situation or relationship, monetarily, physically, emotionally, or otherwise?
It’s hard to look at, especially when you want to be friends with someone, and it’s kind of the antithesis of what we’re taught to being a good person – don’t be selfish, don’t be cold, etc. I know I held onto toxic relationships for a long time because I wanted to be a 'good person.’
But the reality of it is that toxic situations and relationships kind of suck up your energy, take up your time and your individuality, and prevent you from doing great things for someone else or, on a more grandiose level, human society in general. The efforts you spend consoling someone who gives two shits about your feelings could be spent doing volunteer work, building your personal portfolio, writing a story. The money you spend on someone who mocks and derides you could be used to purchase stuff to make your own life easier, could be saved for your children, could be donated to charity.
You have a limited time on this earth, and while helping people out is fantastic… someone who repeatedly abuses you is a distraction. You don’t need to always make a dramatic exit or confrontation. Just drift away. Don’t put as much effort into maintaining it. Let it wilt and die.
This all said, if you are forced into an abusive situation (see: shitty parents as a fantastic example) that you have no control over, for your own personal safety you may have to move with the current. You need to survive, and having food and a roof over your head is a pretty easy way to do that. But as you age and receive more opportunities for independence… Don’t ever forget it. And once you receive financial independence, remember that you have the option to treat them exactly like every other toxic relationship. You have that control.
So much wisdom…thank you