NIMISHA JAISWAL

The first statement comes from the Andhra DGP V. Dinesh Reddy, in defense (mind you, this is actually a 'clarification’) of his earlier statement regarding ‘fashion’ being a significant factor behind the increase in rape cases.

The second statement comes from the outgoing AMU Vice Chancellor, P K Abdul Azis, on the  Shrinivas Ramachandra Siras case, and how everything panned out. Siras,  a Reader of Marathi at AMU, was suspended and harassed continuously for his homosexuality, till he committed suicide.

So much has been said on both these topics. However, I would not be going into the mental perversity of those who openly indulge in victim-blaming and homophobia – however much I try to convince Mr. Reddy and Mr. Azis otherwise, they are just the kind of old bull-headed nincompoops (oops, did I offend someone?) who wouldn’t budge from their atrocious ideas even if you hit them over the head with all the debate, discussion, theory and sense in the world. If they are convinced that the sun is square, they’ll close their eyes and turn away in a huff at your frantic, helpless pointing, and go on believing otherwise. No, my concern is not curing these two individually. My concern is why we let such people out into the open.

We can gasp and swoon all we like at the statements made by those in positions of authority, and shake our heads at their lack of comprehension and their twisted mind-sets. However, not only do these people continue making these statements, but they also continue holding their positions of responsibility – with our support.

You see, we, as a society, simply allow such people, and such mindsets, to exist – we may speak out against them, but we are unable to condemn them out of existence. It is a well-known fact that the condemnation of a society practically controls human behaviour, and I wouldn’t even make this argument only from the viewpoint of women. Due to the ‘society and its views’, each and every individual, all of us, must dress a certain way, behave a certain way, not speak of subjects like sex and gender, not contest our stereotypical roles, not question societal norms, and learn everything that is required of us.

We must all get married, we must all be straight (there IS no other natural way to be, after all), we must all have children, we must NEVER speak of the abusive husband (that’s a PERSONAL matter, for god’s sake), we must never EVER leave the abusive husband (what will happen to the kids? What will everyone say?), we must smile patiently when men are told to be men and women are told to be women, we must pretend that we got burnt or bruised in a ‘kitchen accident’, we must be good wives, we must be authoritative husbands, we must ‘put women in their place’, we must not let the sickness of ‘these gay people’ spread to our children, we must protect our ‘honour’, we must chide our daughters for wearing ‘these horrible small clothes’ and ‘urging the men to come and rape them’. Responsibility, so much responsibility. All because ‘society,’ that faceless omnipresent omnipotent entity, wants it to be so.

I ask you, aren’t we a part of society too? Why, then, can’t we shame the likes of the people I discuss out of existence? Why can’t making such statements be bad enough for them to be outcasts? Condemnation poured in at the DGP’s remarks, but could you ever possibly imagine him being removed from his position for saying such a thing? I ask you why you think that would be an over-reaction. We may not all believe in what society dictates to us, but we follow. Why can’t we, as society, reverse the tables on those who make these unwritten laws?

I know we are able to speak out more than ever before, that now at least we can vocally condemn the DGP, or send pink chaddis one way and another. I appreciate that. I just feel it cannot suffice. As long as the right remains the voiceless exception, we cannot make any progress.

For now, I’d like to state a fact for all you people who impose and propagate these ideas, who shake their heads at the ‘youth’ and its ‘erratic thoughts’ – I’m not sick if I am homosexual. I’m not a prostitute if I wear a dress late at night. I am not irresponsible if I leave my husband when he abuses me. YOU are the one who is sick, and YOU are the one who should be ashamed. You are the sickness in society, and you are the one who should be too embarrassed to step out of your home.

It’s work in progress, righting this balance, but for starters, know this – I am not the problem, you are.