tw: abuse, ED talk
Thin privilege is not feeling that your mother’s love is conditional depending on whether or not you work out.
I’ve always been a bigger gal, and when I was around 10 or 11 years old, my mother would look at me in disgust and say, “You need to start doing sit-ups/working out.”
This continued on for many years, and once I started to lose weight, she seemed to be happier around me and wouldn’t say any negative things about my body as much, minus a few times when she would tell me I “had enough food” at dinner. For my brother, however, she would not say anything, even when he was chubby, because at least he was a lot thinner than me.
Hearing her negative comments all my life has caused me to feel extreme guilt when I eat. For a few months this year, I would eat once a day or less and work out vigorously to make the guilt go away, and of course, when I went home from college for break, she and my father both commented on how “good” and “thin” I looked. Neither of them know that I’ve been seeing a counselor for my depression, anxiety, and you guessed it, an eating disorder.
I have since told my brother, and he confessed to me that he had also been starving himself for a month or so and that’s why my mother always makes sure he’s well fed and buys him food all the time.
Thin privilege is not thinking that your mother cares more about your brother’s well-being just because he is a lot thinner (and a foot taller, I might add, which makes him appear leaner) than you.
