it turns out my partner has always felt like i was too fat. and now that i'm transitioning, he feels like i'm too fat to be butch/too butch to be fat and he's becoming less attracted to me. have any of you dealt with this? we've been together 3 yrs. we're engaged. and i love him so much and i hate this.
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Many many many of us have had partners who decide that we’re too fat and they’re not attracted to us anymore. Personally, I won’t be with anyone who treats me that way, but I’ve honestly never been serious with anyone who started to, and my wife loves my fat body.
You don’t say which direction you’re transitioning (yes, readers, there are butch trans women), and I don’t want to assume, but hormone changes often result in weight shifts. If you’re taking hormones or planning to start, and you gain weight, your partner’s attitudes are likely to get worse.
Your partner is, of course, completely wrong about it even being possible to be too fat to be butch or the reverse. There are many butch people who are fat. Seriously, is he challenging the butchness of all those butch bears and biker daddies out there? Or of all the portly butch dykes out there? He needs a reality check and an attitude adjustment.My best suggestion is to work on educating him about anti-fat bias, and to try to get him to recognize his own. But you may find that your relationship simply falls apart in the face of it.-MG
