[tw: ed]
I have always been on the thinner side and unfortunately never really paid attention to thin privilege. That was until I became pregnant with my first child. I was blessed to have a healthy and happy pregnancy. Over the course of the nine months I put on about 50+ pounds, a bit more than what was recommended but my OBGYN never said anything negative about my weight gain. So everything was great until I went to the hospital to deliver my baby. The first time I saw my delivery room nurse, she literally looked me up and down, smirked and said I needed to step on the scale. On that day I weighed 198lbs. She commented multiple times on how heavy that was and asked if I had always been heavy or if I just ate too much during my pregnancy. I sheepishly responded that I gained more weight than I intended too. She scoffed and said it was going to very difficult for me to get back to a “normal” body weight. I was too overwhelmed by being in labor that I didn’t say anything to her. But I was extremely self conscious for the rest of my delivery. The day after my delivery, I was weighed and due to having an IV overnight, I only lost one pound. The nurse (a different nurse!) who weighed me told me that after she gave birth to her son she immediately lost 20 pounds and wore her pre-pregnancy jeans home. It made me like a big fat failure. And I kept up with this self hate for the first few months after my daughter was born. I wasn’t one of those women who lost her baby weight in 6 weeks so I really struggled with my body image and would find my self starving myself and then trying to work out. I would cover the mirror in the bathroom before I showered because I was so ashamed of my body. It got to the point where I was beginning to resent my baby because my pregnancy gave me this body. My family also added to this cycle of self hate. Every time I saw them and had lost a few pounds they praise me for starting to look like myself again and ask me what my secret was. (Uhm I was pregnant and now I’m not…). They were trying to be supportive but I felt that I wasn’t myself until I reached a certain number on a scale. And it was even worse if I went a few weeks without losing any weight. I would get comments like “you know everyday that goes by its just going to get harder and harder..” or “well I lost x amount of weight in that time frame, are you sure you are cutting enough calories?” And the absolute worst was when they would mention a certain celebrity that maintained their weight throughout their pregnancy and how 6 weeks after giving birth they now had a six pack. Thankfully, I had a very supportive husband who never once criticized my weight and helped me develop a healthier approach to body. I was fortunate enough to break this cycle of self hate and through a much healthier approach I lost some (not all!) of my pregnancy weight. I am no longer obsessed with losing weight and I now prefer my softer post pregnancy body.
This whole ordeal really opened my eyes on how fat shaming runs rampant in our society and unfortunately how common and how accepted it is in the medical community. My ordeal only lasted for about year so I can’t imagine how hard it must be to spend your whole life having these negative attacks thrown on you. I am also thankful that blogs like this exist because they are huge eye openers for people that have never faced body shaming. I wish that I would have paid more attention to thin privilege and fat shaming prior to this event. But now I know the hard truth and will continue to educate myself on these issues and will do everything in my power to preach body acceptance and be a positive role model for my young daughter.
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