June 30, 2014
Here are several ways you can look like a moron

July 4th is rapidly approaching. If you happen to upon the LIRR or NJT – or just go anywhere near Penn Station – over the next couple of days, you are almost certainly going to see someone wearing the shirt sported below by Channing Tatum in the recent film 22 Jump Street:

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You, the educated reader, may be thinking “that’s just absurd, no one would seriously wear that.” But don’t forget, you would say the same thing about someone drinking Bud Light Lime-A-Rita. That’s still a thing some people do! And the crossover here is no doubt exactly 100%.

You might be surprised to learn that the market for such things is actually quite varied and competitive. For instance, the shirt shown above can be had for a reasonable $16.95 here. But that’s certainly not your only option. If you prefer to add some punctuation, there’s this offering:

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If you thought $28 – no joke! – was a steep price to pay for exclamation marks, keep in mind you’re also sacrificing a needed apostrophe. (It’s also available in neon green, neon pink, neon orange and neon purple!) And for no apparent reason at all, the same people offer a version with sleeves:

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Does this basically defeat the purpose? Absolutely! So just in case, another vendor offers this handy alternative that features some arrows to help others get the joke:

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No one will miss the subtlety now! This comes in handy particularly after the crowd has had a few too many Lime-A-Ritas.

By now you’re probably thinking “Wow, these are all great, but what if I want to be sure everyone knows what frat I was in back at Arizona State?” Don’t worry, the good people at somethinggreek.com are one step ahead of you:

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Done and done. Now the next time you’re down the shore, you’ll fit right in. Just remember to pick up your Bud Light 30-pack before you get on the train.