I don’t find myself sucked into a nightmare of bright lights or blood. I find myself sucked into a scene of a sunrise, just as the stars are fading but bright enough I’m not in darkness. Jake is there, alive, smiling. “Jake what are you doing here? You’re dead.”

“I’m only dead in reality. I still live young and well in your heart. Thank you for remembering me.” He says turning to look at me across this small green meadow.

“I can’t exactly forget you. I’m the reason you aren’t here like you should be.”

“I don’t blame you, not at all. It’s peaceful here.”

“What’s it like?” I ask going towards him.

“I can’t tell you, you will find out when it’s your time. But it isn’t your time yet, not for a while.”

“If this town has it their way I will be dead and by your side within days.”

“Show them who you can really be Sam.” My entire body warms hearing him say that.“

"I miss you. I’m sorry I was so careless. I just wish you were here with me to help me through this.”

“If I was there you wouldn’t be going through this. You need to and I’m meant to be here. It wasn’t your fault.” He says sitting down laying back supporting himself on his hands.

“Yes it was.”

“No Sam it wasn’t. But you will have to learn that for yourself.”

“I don’t want to.” I say sitting next to him not taking my eyes off him. I’m scared if I do he will disappear before I have a real chance to talk to him.

“You have no choice.”

“Since I feel like I am getting no where with you on my real problem can we talk about something else. I don’t want to miss a chance to talk to my brother.”

“I can’t hang around forever Sam. So I will just give you some brotherly advice. Follow your heart, it’s headed in the right way.”

“Which way is that?”

“Sam you never did do it like everyone else. So more like diagonal straight with a few squiggles.”

“Thanks for really building me up.”

“That’s what brothers are for. I know you are going great places Sam, you will be ok.” He says standing back up stretching.

“Most days don’t feel like I will be, but if you say I will then I figure you are right.”

“Take care of your heart Sam and it won’t lead you astray. Just clear out the junk and you will be ok.”

“You are talking like you about to leave. I still have so much I want to know.” I say walking up in front of him trying to stop him.

“I do have to go, I can’t stay forever. Someone will give you the answers you need and if you never get them then you already knew the answer all along. I love you Sam.” He says giving me a hug. I can feel the warmth of his embrace wrapped tightly around me.

“I love you too Jake.” I say with my face pressed against his chest. I close my eyes soaking in every possible second. When they flutter open I am laying on the bed, alone. I can still feel Jake’s hug and the sound of his heart thumping softly under my ear. It’s strange to think he was so alive and so close to me, yet he isn’t any of those things. A small tap on the door snaps my head back to reality. “Come in I say softly.”

I see someone peak in quietly, “your dad let me in before he left for work. He said you were probably still asleep that he hoped your trip wore you our enough to make you sleep.”

“Yes and no.”

“Did you have a nightmare?” He asks closing the door behind him then leans up against the wall.

“No, I had a dream about my brother.” I say patting the bed next to me. “You can come sit or lay or whatever, you don’t have to stand there. I literally just woke up and I’m not exactly ready to get out of bed.” He sits down next to me keeping distance between us. “After sleeping on a couch for three nights this bed is perfect.”

“We can’t wait around too long, Cheri will wake up and we won’t be able to go do what I have planned.”

“If she is gone when we get back will you stay and hang out? I don’t want to be alone today.” I say looking away from his eyes.

“I can try. Get dressed.” He says getting off the bed and walking out of the room. I throw on something comfortable and head downstairs and find him in the living room looking at something on the wall. “When did this get hung? I don’t think I’ve ever seen it before.”

I look over seeing the last family picture we took together. It was the day of Jake’s graduation, the happiness radiating from all of us is so obvious. “I don’t know. Probably after I left as a way of saying we are moving on. I didn’t even notice it last night.”

“You look happy. I think I’ve only seen you that way once and that was before hell opened its doors to you again.”

“Shit happens and takes us back to medium, can’t always be happy. Ready to go?”

“Yeah lets take your car, do you mind if I drive?”

“No that’s fine.” I hand him the keys as we head out and start on the road away from the house. The conversation is light on the way but it feels nice.

“So don’t freak out when you see where we are going.” Drew says looking over at me for a second.

“Am I going to die?”

“No.” He says with a chuckle.

“Then I promise not to freak out.” He turns a corner and a cemetery comes into view. It all starts clicking in my head as my pulse starts to quicken. I take deep breaths trying not to let the anxiety creeping its way into my veins affect me. He pulls up to the side and I look out just to see headstones stretching far and wide, “this is a huge cemetery. The one Jake is buried in is like a quarter of this size.”

“Death happens here too much I guess. Come on you need to see this.” I carefully open the door and step behind all of Drew’s step. We stop by a grave surrounded by flowers. “This grave is never empty, it always has flowers. I usually take some of them and put them on Dally’s grave as a dark gift from Eric. No one ever visits her, they hate what she did. No one even made a big deal about her death as they did Eric’s. But I thought you needed to see this and know where it is so you can come out here if you need. I don’t come out here often, at least not as much as I used to, but when I did it helped.”

“His headstone is gorgeous.” I say squatting down to get get a better look at the front. “Wait this says his death date is two days after the wreck. Jake’s says it was the day of the wreck, but that is because he was DOS.”

“Eric held on for two days before his injuries took him. I thought you knew that.”

“No I never really asked and no one really shared that information with me. I just assumed he was DOS like Jake.”

“No he held on long enough for his family to get up there to him and then slipped away a few hours after that.”

“Were you there?”

“No, Cheri and my dad wouldn’t let me go. But Ryan and Dallys were both there and that’s honestly all that needed to be there.”

“Where is Dallys buried?”

“I’ll show you on another day. Today let it just be about Eric.” We stand there together quietly. He gently pulls me to his side with his arm draped over my shoulders. I lay my head against him just letting the peace fill me.

But all good things can’t last, I hear a door slam shut just to hear yelling followed. “What the hell is she doing here? This is my brother’s grave, it is not meant to be tainted by his murderer.”

“So great to see you against Melody. This is public property and she is free to go where she wants.” Drew says defending me.

“My mom filed a restraining order, she can’t be within 100 yards of my family, which includes Eric.”

“Drew lets just go, its not worth it.”

“Yes it is. You deserve to have your peace.”

“No she doesn’t, not here at least. This is my peaceful place and I’m not letting her ruin it.”

“Melody you haven’t been here since he was put here. So don’t start thinking you are actually pitied right now.”

“Wait until your mom finds out you were with this girl, she will make it so you will barely be allowed around Ryan.”

“Melody please we will leave. Just don’t tell Cheri, he doesn’t deserve that.”

“My brother didn’t deserve what you did to him but you still did it.”

“This has nothing to do with Drew. I will leave and not come back if that is what you want. But I’m not leaving this town and you will just have to deal with it. There is no way you can make me leave. I won’t let you and your family push me around no matter how many pieces of paper you throw in my face.”

~Kay!