I will never understand how people are okay or just try to ignore the fact that we are all going to die. I mean yeah, I know that that's how life works and that if nobody died then we wouldn't fit in this planet and many other problems, and that ranting about it won't change anything so I better accept it sooner or later, but the thing is that I DON'T want to accept it.

I was given this amazing opportunity of having a life and I LOVE being alive, I love to be sad, happy, angry, I love the feeling of water when I'm taking a shower, the soft fur of my teddy bear when I'm hugging it, the warm hugs of my mom, EVERYTHING!!! because it all reminds me that I'm alive. And the thing is that I am TERRIFIED of dying, I don't want to stop existing, I LOVE to exist, and the fact that someday this will end frustrates me and scares me. I am not worried about not being remembered when I die, I don't want to be remembered when I die, I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!! that is the thing.

It also makes me angry that whenever I ask a friend or someone about death they all say things like "It's going to happen and you can't stop it.", "Why do you worry? when you're dead you won't worry about it.", "There is still plenty of time, don't think about it." And I just look at them and think how is it possible that they can just accept it and don't care? YES, I know I can't stop it, that's why I am so scared and frustrated!! YES when I'm dead I won't worry because I'll be dead but that's the thing, I don't want to die!! I don't want to stop existing!!!! I want to care!!! and NO, there is no guarantee that there is still plenty of time, I could die tomorrow for all I know!!!!

I know probably nobody is going to read this, but I need to get it out because I have been thinking a lot about this during the last 4 months and I get freaked out at night because it's the only thing that I can think about and I start crying because I am TERRIFIED, I know it is weird for someone of my age (17) to start thinking about this when I'm still young, but I just can't get this fear and frustration out of my head!!! WHY ARE YOU ALL SO OKAY AND NORMAL WITH THIS???!!! Maybe there is someone like me that is not okay with the fact that we are going to die no matter what, but until now it's only me and my fears and there is no one to understand me, I feel so alone with all of this inside me.