Suzy tagged me in this thing.

Here we go.

1. Would you rather take a test of 100 math problems or write a dozen essays?

Math. All the math.

2. Would you rather have a crab hand + a normal hand, or very large webbed feet?

Any non-human hand would make it difficult to play pretty much any musical instrument, so I’ll… take the feet. That’s probably the first and last time I’ll ever ask for feet.

3. Would you rather have one hoe in all the different area codes, or lots of hoes in one area code?

What’s the terrain like in these area codes? I mean, 25 hoes in 1 rocky-terrained area code ain’t doing me much good. But 1 hoe in each of 25 different agriculturally-rich area codes… well that would be more useful. Wait. You’re not talking about farming. Nevermind.

4. Is it better to buy used furniture for cheap and spend time + money making it exactly how you want it, or to spend a little more on furniture that doesn’t require any work but maybe isn’t 100% what you were looking for?

This is the type of shopping-dilemma that really frustrates me. Furniture is something that you’re going to have and use for a long time, so I really don’t think it’s a good idea to buy something you’re not 100% satisfied with. It also depends on what type of furniture you’re looking for; I’m not about to buy a cheap couch and think I’ll be able to make it suit my needs, because I’m not a goddamn couch designer, but I guess with enough time I could figure out how to improve a cheap coffee table or something.

5. What would you wear if you had to put on the funniest outfit you could make with clothing you already own?

Long johns. Underwear on top of those. Nothing else.

6. Would you rather be able to shoot laser beams with your eyes, or shoot fireballs out of your hands?

Is this a Cyclops scenario where I’d always have to wear goofy goggles just to make sure I wasn’t inadvertently igniting everything I looked at? Because that would suck. I’ll take the fireballs and I’d get angry anytime anyone tried to say it was magic and I’d tell them it’s an illusion… then I’d shoot fireballs at them with my hands.

7. If you could be a historical Vice President, who would you be? Uncle Joe Biden doesn’t count as he is the current and best VP.

Andrew Johnson. Fast track to the presidency!

8. Would you rather fart glitter or be unable to tell the difference between the color brown and the concept of increasing?

I’d rather fart glitter than so many other things. I’d rather fart glitter than be able to tell time.

9. Name the first country that pops into your mind. Now tell me its capital. Thanks. Will you write a report on that country for me? It has to be 3 pages long, double spaced.

Djibouti. Djibouti City. Nope.

10. What time is it?

*farts glitter*

11. Do you have a best friend? Describe them using only 5 words.

She’s an alien like me.

12. Do you want fries with that?

Of course. Make ‘em crispy.