Seven 9s and 10s

Dear Danny Wegman, Well now, this is a bit awkward. I wrote to you last month expressing my intentions to marry one of your Cinnamon Chip muffins. An intention upon which I pursued with great intensity and passion. Our love, however, was fleeting. It...

Dear Danny Wegman,

Well now, this is a bit awkward.

I wrote to you last month expressing my intentions to marry one of your Cinnamon Chip muffins. An intention upon which I pursued with great intensity and passion. Our love, however, was fleeting. It lasted mere minutes, and a few hours later - with her unfortunate passing - it was over.

And so I write to you today to express my undying love for your One Layer Fruit Topped Shortcake. Like her muffin cousin before, she has stolen my heart, but this time it has been lovingly covered with the lightest whipped cream this side of heaven and the sweetest fruit this side of hell, and gently rested upon a bed of fluffy vanilla cake. When I am with her, there is no other cake in this world of ours. Our bond is delicious and strong and I would follow her to the furthest reaches of our universe just for the opportunity to feel her sweetly caress my tastebuds.

Please understand that, like those before, our love will also be fleeting. But our brief time together will be measured among the greatest love affairs that have ever been known, and when it has run its course she will softly be delivered back from whence she came.

Yours with utmost respect,
steelopus

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    Notes

    1. fuckyeahwegmans reblogged this from steelopus
    2. dwineman said: Yeah but have you tried Wegmans’ Italian fig cookies? I’d divorce any fruitcake for those.
    3. btothed reblogged this from steelopus
    4. scoldylocked reblogged this from steelopus
    5. unintentionallyungraceful said: My taste buds envy yours.
    6. squibble said: I HATE YOU
    7. accountinactive said: Up for a threesome?
    8. kiss-distinctly-american said: MUST MUST MUST have their lemon bars
    9. helloandwelcome-dc said: I’m glad I’m not the only one who has relationships with Wegmans food products. Thankfully it is legal in DC to gay marry a Danny’s Favorite 14" Sub Sandwich with spicy mustard, mayo and all the fixins.
    10. steelopus posted this