I am nowhere near the end.

Jesus: Hey, guys? Does anyone know how to calculate a 20% tip?
Judas (muttering): Of *course* he can’t do math.
Peter: Yeah, gimme the bill, I can work it out.
Jesus: Great. Oh, and one last thing: Truly, truly, one of you will betray me.
Peter: Carry the 1… Guys how many cubits are there in a dozen?
Judas: Wait, wait – hold the phone. Jesus, you know that one of us is going to betray you?
Jesus: Um… yep.
Judas: And do you know *who* it is?
Jesus: Oh, bigtime.
Peter: I think I’m doing this wrong. Should we be tipping a Benjamin on an eighty dollar bill?
Judas: And you’re not going to do anything to stop him? Or her.
Jesus: I guess it’s kind of the plan or something. I wasn’t really paying attention. Real Housewives was on.
Judas: So this person who’s gonna betray you, they’re kind of doing God’s work, right?
Jesus: I don’t know. Apparently one of those New Jersey wives is a *mobster*.
Judas: Yeah, no shit. Seriously – there won’t be any punishment for the betrayal, right? Maybe just a slap on the wrist, or something?
Jesus: Oh, no, I think I heard something about an eternity in hell.
Judas: Shit.
Matthew: Hey, Judas – are those new shoes?
Judas: Shit shit shit shit shit.