I can’t do a video cos my parents have taken the camera on holiday with them and my webcam is shit (like sharps) so yeah here goes.
WHY SHARPS ARE SHIT
Writing a piece in a sharp key (YES, EVEN G MAJOR) that contains a Clarinet part makes life soooooo fucking god damn difficult for us. WHY THE FUCK WOULD DO IT? Like seriously, for Clarinets:
Concert pitch G major = ###
Concert pitch D major = ####
Concert pitch A major = #####
Concert pitch E major = ######
If you’re writing a piece in B major for any instrument, you’re a dick.
Facts about Shitty Sharps
- Clarinettists hate this motherfucking sign: #
- It is commonly known that an F# on the Flute is the most out of tune note in existence. It sounds disgusting and should be flattened until it becomes an F.
- The best pieces in the world written for sharps end up modulating to their relative flat key, because they know that if they didn’t, they’d be burnt.
- For some dumbass reason, there are more sharp keys than flat keys. This needs to change.
WHY FLATS ARE FUN
Flats are beautiful. Flats are way forward. Even Clair de fucking Lune is written in a flat key! Flats also have the best moods:
- F major: Complaisance and calm
- B-flat major: Cheerful love, clear conscience, hope aspiration for a better world
- E-flat major: The key of love, of devotion, of intimate conversation with God
Facts about Fun Flats
- Flat scales on any woodwind instrument are easier to learn and memorise than Sharp scales.
- The best pieces for Piano are written in flat keys (Clair de Lune, Reflets dans l'eau, Golliwog’s CakeWalk [Debussy], Consolation No. 3 [Liszt], Nocturne No. 1, Black Key Etude [Chopin] ETC
- Notable Clarinet pieces in flat keys are the Saint-Saens Sonata, Finzi Bagatelles, Premiere Rhapsodie [Debussy] ETC
- Orchestral works which are like so totally popular that are written in flat key include The Sorcerer’s Apprentice [Dukas], Symphonies 3, 4, 5, 6, 8 and 9 [Beethoven], Danse Macabre [Saint-Saens] ETC
- FLATS JUST RULE
**A NOTE TO YOUNG BUDDING COMPOSERS**
DO NOT COMPOSE IN SHARP KEYS FOR THE CLARINET (I’m talking actual Clarinet parts, not concert pitch). PIANO ACCOMPANIMENTS ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE 5745235 FLATS IN THEIR KEY SIGNATURE BECAUSE ALL PIANO ACCOMPANISTS ARE AMAZING AND CAN SIGHT-READ ANYTHING.
MERCI.
