I’m 18 and still very unsure about my sexuality. I recently discovered online chatrooms and erotica, and I bought a vibrator. Masturbating feels good, but it’s often frustrating. I can’t tell if I’m orgasming, and I quickly lose interest. I think this may be because I’m on an SSRI, which can lower libido. When masturbating, I usually end up feeling disappointed and wondering what’s wrong with me.

I’m also not sure about my sexual orientation. I feel attracted to both men and women, though I favor men slightly. To be honest, I’m unwilling to experiment with women, since my family would hate me if they found out I feel that way. I’m trying to focus on being attracted to men, but I’m too busy with school and work to put in the time to build a relationship. I haven’t so much as kissed a guy in two years. This, too, is frustrating and disappointing.

I tell myself I’m still young. I’m learning more about myself and my sexuality every day. Hopefully someday I’ll learn how to be sexually happy and healthy.

6cybersex, erotica, masturbation, female sexuality, queer, shame, homophobia, The Cost of Shame, Cost of Shame, sexual identity, self exploration, self acceptance, frustration, SSRI, antidepressant, depression, expectations, Do Tell, submission, medium,