Lost my virginity to a guy I had just met who became a very good friend. It was fine. I didn’t regret it because we got along so well, but it didn’t really mean anything to me. My first long-term boyfriend was lovely in bed. We were seventeen. I broke up with him because I was meeting so many other guys. I wanted to experiment. I started seeing an older man, who was very rough in bed. He would choke and throttle me, slap me in the face, spank me, hurt me. It was frightening but exciting. After him, I went out with another older man who was 30. I was still 17. He was very clever and kind but just clueless about sex. We stayed together for about six months. The sex was never good. I left him, started college, and fucked around a lot. I slept with 20 guys in the space of two years. It sounds like a lot, but they just happened. I was drinking a lot. It wasn’t a happy time. I would just end up in bed with them at the end of the night.

When I was 20, I met a wonderful man who was my age, and he also liked to be rough in bed. We had an amazing sex life. We fell really hard in love. He broke up with me, and I was incredibly depressed. I was single and then started dating my current boyfriend. I’m now 23. He is without doubt the most beautiful person I have ever seen, and that alone has made our physical relationship incredibly exciting. He is only into vanilla sex, and I do wish I could get him to throw me around a little, but I know that it’s just not in his nature so I don’t even go there. He is a wonderful lover, very sensual person, very playful. The only thing that’s wrong is that he doesn’t know I’ve slept with so many people (around 30). I would rather forget it, anyway. Those men didn’t care about me.

6casual sex, BDSM, rough sex, sexuality, sex, relationships, age difference, pleasure, multiple partners, shame, The Cost of Shame, Cost of Shame, Do Tell, submission,