Sex was something that I did not learn about at home. In my opinion, my parents shirked their parental duty by making it a taboo subject. I feel my unsure of myself when talking about sex and even more inadequate when actually having sex.

I was a “late bloomer” which is really code for fat or ugly. I was a big girl, overweight until I was 22. By then, I felt like I had no sexual identity because I didn’t even know what that meant. I had never had a first kiss let alone being naked with another person. By the time I had my first sexual encounter, I just wanted to get it over with. It was fine, but I had been on a mission. I think that this has shaped how I think of sex.

I have had five partners in the past five years. Three of them have basically been one-night stands. I don’t really see sex as something that is special or important in a relationship. Sometimes it makes me sad, and I other time times I feel awesome because I have a detached feeling about sex. I worry that I won’t ever be sexually satisfied. I am also afraid that I will never find a life-long partner because of how I view sex.

6sex, dissociation, body image, self esteem, body size, casual sex, emotions, shame, The Cost of Shame, Cost of Shame, taboo, Do Tell, Submission,