When surveys ask my sexuality, I put bisexual, but I never say this aloud. I’m in a long-term straight relationship. Sex is good, sometimes rocketingly fantastic, and has actually improved with time (it certainly helps knowing your partner inside out, so to speak). I have never had sex with a woman, only teen make-out sessions which are blistered in my memory.

However, I almost exclusively think of women when masturbating and much more often notice hot women than men. I have always felt a bit queer, but I feel like I can’t own and stand up for a non-straight(forward) identity when I’ve never acted on it. If I was single, I would want to seek out women (even though this petrifies me). Yet I do love my male partner. Am I closeted? Am I normal? As a teen/20-something, I worried endlessly about this, and still do from time to time. But reading Do Tell reminds me that I’m not alone; so many people worry about all manner of issues of sex and sexuality. I think all we can do is what seems right for us at each moment. As Frankie says, Relax.

P.S. I would like to do a shout-out for pubic hair, which has almost entirely bad press at the moment. I personally can’t imagine waxing/shaving. First, the pain and irritation of removal and regrowth: not fun. Second, the doll/pre-pubescent look disturbs me–genuinely don’t know why would anyone want that on them or their partner? I’m sure I’m not the only one. So ladies, please do as you choose. Hair is not the devil’s work, despite the way the current media seems to play it. I say keep your locks: trim, no need to bin.

6queer, bisexual, sexuality, pubic hair, desire, in the closet, female sexuality, masturbation, attraction, sexual identity, sexual orientation, shame, fear, Cost of Shame, The Cost of Shame, Do Tell, submission,