I Don’t Rape, originally published at http://sexylittleideas.com
Trigger warning: describes sexual coercion

One night in a beach town in Mexico, I was in a taxi on the way to her apartment after an evening of raucous clubbing. Peering out from the veil of her sun-bleached hair, frantic lips, and gripping legs wrapped around me, I gradually became aware that there were two other people in the back of the cab with us.

And one of them was being raped.

Not strictly speaking or in any legal sense. She was the best friend of the girl I was with, and he was my boss. The conversation went something like this.

–
Him: Baby, you’re so beautiful, come on, let’s just have some drinks at your apartment.

Her: No.

Him: But your smile is so beautiful; has anyone ever told you you have perfect lips? Come on, let’s just go back to your place and see what happens.

Her: No, get off of me…

Him: MUA! See, you kissed me? I know you want it.

Her: Don’t do that!

Him: But come on! Life is so short, and right now it’s just me and you, and you’re such a smart girl, and you’ve completely conquered my mind and…
–

Coercion may not be rape but it’s definitely rapey.

I will not push you. I’ll make sure it is clear in your mind the wonderful, filthy things I want to do to you, and you will never have any doubts about the kind of person I am and what that person wants from the kind of person you are (besides your great friendship and ingenious conversation). But I won’t cajole you. I won’t persuade you. And I won’t try to convince you.

When you don’t know what you want, it usually bleeds into your sexuality and can make for a very confusing, unsatisfying experience for both of us. I prefer to stay away. I’ve heard of the “have intercourse or you’re a failure” mindset, but I don’t buy into it. No sex is better than bad sex.

6rape, consent, coercion, enthusiastic consent, bystander, communication, desire, autonomy, bystander intervention, Do Tell, submission,