i don’t feel under pressure doing something that i love when a lot depends on it - really going for something genuine is amazing.

sadly this is in stark contrast to sitting an exam which doesn’t award you marks based on intelligence, philosophy, or theology.  having to do something false and artificial which doesn’t reward you for doing what would be something genuinely excellent and LOGICALLY WORTHWHILE in order to get somewhere where you have a great chance of really doing genuine things is so weird! and demoralising.