I found something I wrote a few years ago on my old blog, I’ve edited it to be current - but it still applies and should be said.

Sadly,

I read something today that informed me that another 12 year old girl had taken her life due to bullying. How many young kids are going to lose their lives this year and the next because someone pushed them over the edge by spewing derogatory adjectives in their general direction, by physically, mentally and emotionally abusing them so much that they feel there is no outlet but peace in death?

We are human, this life we have, is all we know. Your religious preference aside - Science tells us this life, this ticking time bomb of energy and matter is what we know as existence. Nothing else has been proven, confirmed or denied of any afterlife, peace or absence - which wont matter anyway without conscious thought. 

To me, it would be much scarier to imagine a place unimaginable because there is no comprehension, time, space, dreams, thoughts, or being. Much scarier than facing the everyday bully who picks on you because your hair is different, the music you listen to, your clothes are black, your parents aren’t well off, you’re too skinny or too fat etc. 

So how can we deal with these bullies when it seems they are never ending?

Change your perspective. If you think something is bad, remember all the good you have in your life. If you can’t think of any good, then you’re not changing your perspective. Think of all the people who love you, not those who don’t. For every person who doesn’t like you, there are at LEAST 3 people who love you - Your energy shouldn’t be geared toward giving validation to the people who don’t like you - remember it’s their loss!  (If you can’t think of anyone who loves you then you’re not changing your perspective - see the pattern?) It’s about what you have, not what you don’t. It’s being happy and healthy in the body you have, not the body someone wishes you had - that doesn’t make you happy. If something isn’t worth your time, don’t do it - do something else that is. Time is all we have, it’s all we know and it’s short enough as it is. Nothing is forever, not even that bully you think will never leave you alone. Bullies are empty people that wish to find validation by negatively impacting people. Usually they dislike a part of who you are and what you stand for because they are too afraid to accept the same things about themselves. 

People are different. You, me, your neighbor, your teacher, your mom, your brother, your bullies, your favorite musicians, your president etc. We are all the same make up of general anatomy - men and women - but what makes us unique is our intellect to be individuals. Your mom likes Elvis, You like Marilyn Manson… but you can agree that you both like music. it’s the same foundation for every situation. Lets hit a little closer to home for you readers - you wear dark clothes, your hair is odd colors, your bully calls you emo and tells you to go cut yourself (or whatever stupid bully-things they tell you these days) … you know you aren’t whatever ignorant label this bully slaps on you - why would you let yourself believe something you know isn’t true? Why would you allow yourself to let them win? So someone calls you fat - does this make that person a better person for telling you that? No. If someone says something derogatory based on your religious preference OR the color of your skin… does this person automatically become the cool kid for tearing you down due to opposing beliefs? No. Does this person become the hierarchy of their race and all history is set back and now EVERYONE believes what they said is true? absolutely not.

Why would you let someone with such a negative influence and outlook on who they think you are effect you? Why would you let their words define you? It’s easy to let it sink in when you get something negative in your head, so much to where you start to believe it yourself. At that point, my advice to you will always be this:

Change your perspective. Remember the person saying these things to you is an empty soul looking for validation in all the wrong places. It’s easy for a group of people to gang up on an individual, but it’s extremely hard to get one individual to stand up for someone else, let alone themselves. It’s about who you are, not who they tell you you’re supposed to be. Define yourself, don’t let someone define you. There is ALWAYS another option, always another outlet. If you’re angry - take it out on your journal - write down how you feel - make their negative words become the subject for a song that you will write and record then sell millions because you can connect with the many people who are going through the exact same thing. Then you’ll really have something to show those bullies who inspired you to become something better than their words could ever make you feel. Paint a picture that will speak a thousand words through color and imagery without saying a word at all. Write a story about what you are going through that takes you to an imaginary land where it’s just you and woodland creature friends that stand up against the villains who have devoured the land of all living - it’s up to you and your newly discovered dragons (that you have to train of course) to defeat the villains before they conquer ALL the land and turn it to ice and a breeding ground for evil entities! My point being  - There is always something to take you out of the situations that corner you - But you can’t give up. These songs wont be written if you don’t pick up the pen and spit out those pills. These pictures wont be painted if you don’t squeeze the color onto the canvas instead of tightening that rope… those villains will for sure devour your woodland friends and kill your dragons if you don’t put down that gun…. and the empty, soulless bullies will surely win if you don’t put down that knife…. if your excuse limits you to feeling untalented, just try…. but while you’re trying - listen to that music that empowers you to feel strong.

You aren’t alone in a world that makes you feel small - i promise you if you reach out, someone is listening, someone is going through the same thing you are.

“Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time - what’s your hurry? everyone will have their day to die”  - A Perfect Circle

When I read about the 12 year old today who had taken her own life, i sat in awe and sorrow on my couch thinking about what it was like to be 12. I wasn’t thinking about what my life would hold, my future accomplishments, my adventures, my husband, my children, my grandchildren, my graduation, my SATs… i was thinking about still playing in the cul-de-sac my neighbor friends, chatting to silly people on AOL chat (yes, that’s how old I am) about the music I liked, riding my bikes, and starting to notice boys and interest in music. I was a really weird kid too. I wore whatever my mom bought me, and what she could afford - which wasn’t anything high end or brand named, there were more important things for me to worry about. We did a lot of second hand clothes, a lot I borrowed from friends who allowed me to - the highlight was the hand-me-down bags of clothes other kids’ parents would bring over and me and two neighbor girls would weed through them. I wore shoes from payless, not from the vans store. Turtle necks and velvet purple overalls i remember distinctly (yikes). I was definitely not the cool kid. I remember in 6th grade getting made fun of because i wore my bangs in two pig tails (to be fair, looking back i did look like a bug) and one of the “popular” girls encouraged me to wear my hair like that again so her and a bunch of her friends could talk shit and make fun of me for it. I also remember liking this boy who asked me to the school roller skating night, but revoked his invitation after he had heard wind of my questionable hair style. I remember a “popular” girl who was in the after-school program with me telling me that if i wanted to be popular, i had to change my reputation… i was maybe 10 when she told me this. I remember not developing when going through puberty and being told I was flat as a board and no guy would ever want me. I remember my diet consisting of coca-cola, zebra cakes and macaroni and cheese which made me chunky (it was my own fault) then meeting a boy who I really liked later on in which he told me that he would date me if he wasn’t so superficial. I remember breaking out in acne and having problems with that as a teenager. These all seem like such HUGE things when you’re living with these problems every day… and day to day. I assure you - these “problems” do not define who you are. They are other peoples’ perspective of who they think you are. (Bringing it back to above - why would you let someone else define you, especially when they define themselves as negative people by bullying to begin with)

How did I deal with it all? I started a band and broke out of my shy shell. (Granted, then i was called the goth amy lee wannabe but that’s a story for another time - bullying seems to follow you to different degrees all of your life, but you end up becoming a stronger, well rounded person because of it all) I wore it proud that i was weird and different despite what people may have said or thought. I ended up losing weight for me when i was ready to, not for that idiot asshat who said he would date me if i did. I found some medication that helped clear my acne, when I was ready for it to be cleared, not because someone told me I should fix my face. I still never developed into the “desired” womanly body that society expect girls to have - but that certainly didn’t stop me from realizing anyone who was worth MY time would appreciate me exactly how I am.

Nobody will ever make history by being normal. If you’re different, weird, artistic, odd, strange, poor, wear it proud. Don’t be forgotten in history as the one who never tried and ended it all to ease the pain. There is no ease of pain in death, there is only pain and suffering for those around you for the rest of their lives, and nothingness thereafter. 

Please, I ask of you, if you are feeling like you’re alone and you need someone to talk to, reach out, you have your whole lives ahead of you… and what pains you today will make you stronger tomorrow. When I was 12, I never imagined by 26 I would be touring the world in bands that I love and living in multiple countries. All those bullies from my past got married super early, got pregnant in high school and most of them became addicted to drugs… They never left the city we grew up in or experienced anything but their own weakness. These people never changed their perspectives - and the ones who did, have become successful, happy people. The future is yours to shape! Isn’t that exciting? So much of your life is left to live, you are only beginning. Don’t give up now, not ever. Anything you can imagine, you can achieve and accomplish - if you just change your perspective. I promise.

1-800-SUICIDE
1-800-784-2433

1-800-273-TALK
1-800-273-8255 

http://www.suicidehotlines.com/

If you think someone needs help - try this website:

http://www.suicideispreventable.org/

My intention of writing this was based on my opinion, based off my personal experience. I hope you all take something away from this that will help you feel better, and may end up saving someone’s life - even if it is your own <3 You are loved.