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I just realized most of you probably don’t know this so I am obligated to share with my followers a Delightful Guinea Pig Fact.
This is not just a Bo fact, it is a legit bona fide Guinea Pig Fact in that it has been identically true for every guinea pig I’ve owned since I was seven. (Samulle, Button, Cricket, Otho, Presto, and Bo.) It is, therefore, scientifically verified and universal.
Okay so.
You know that thing cats do when they groom themselves? That thing where they just absolutely do not give a shit? The unashamed exhibitionism of bathing their whole business in front of God and man? They just flop down in the middle of the room, stick their entire leg over their head and just start loudly licking their genitalia while maintaining unblinking eye contact with you as if actively, intentionally making it weird?
Guinea pigs do not do that.
If a guinea pig is grooming himself, and you happen to glance over, they pause, wait, and–if you are so rude as to keep watching–they will lower their leg, make unhappy noises, and refuse to continue.
- woman: i miss you like the deserts miss the rain
- man: oh that's so sweet, i--
- woman: i've adapted to existence without you, buried everything we made together, and prolonged exposure to you would be disastrous.
Nothing in this world is funnier to me than when people post pics of like gorgeous ocean vistas and then name a random Illinois suburb. This shit made me laugh so hard I almost threw up. It doesn't even have to be Naperville you could name any other town and I'd weep
The haunting ancient Celtic carnyx being played for an audience. This is the sound Roman soldiers would have heard their Celtic enemies make.
Man if I heard that shit while descending upon a strange land with my brethren I'd straight up dig a hole to die in right the and there, fuck the emperor fuck the gods that's a warning straight from the bones of an older evil and whatever is coming is worse than death