As many of us know, women and men in Saudi Arabia must be careful not to mingle, as the insanely strict Islamic law bans mixing between the sexes who are not related. Recently, the Saudis have issued a fatwa that forces women who come into contact with unrelated men on a regular basis to breastfeed them so that they can be considered “relatives” and not potential lovers.

Under Islamic law, women are told to breast-feed their babies until they are two years old. It is common for sisters to breast feed their nephews so that they and their daughters will not have to cover their faces in front of them when they get older. The snazzy term for this is called “breast milk sibling.” However, breast milk siblings must be breast fed five times before the age of two for this to hold water...or in this case...milk. Islam forbids sexual relations between a woman and man that she breast fed as an infant. They can be alone together because he isn’t considered a potential mate. What’s with all the crazy rules inside of rules? No wonder people are constantly fighting and confused over there! They don’t even know which end is up!

If this was a fictional novel, one of the saucier female characters would invite a high and mighty sheik to suckle her breast, but secretly she would coat her nipple with a poisonous, undetectable salve. Then, boom! One sheik down! Who’s next? My guess is that would stop the invasion of the boobie-sucklers.