In biblical times, do you think that during a bit of down time Jesus got his apostles together, and started counting? To check just how many followers he had? No. And let’s face it, Jesus was all about spreading the word, right? So more followers equals more word, er, spreadage. 

If Jesus were around today he would, of course, use the medium of Twitter to spread his word. Twitter would do the hard work for him; follower counting, RTs from Simon Peter and potentially Peter Simon, and rapid follows and unfollows from doubting Thomas.

What you wouldn’t expect from Jesus is this: “I see ur not following back”.

Because Twitter is a social networking site, and not a popularity contest. The key words there are ‘social’, which infers a respect of your fellow tweeter, and 'networking’ which implies seeking out like minded people. Not being hassled night and day because you had the audacity to unfollow somebody who tweets the tag #teamfollowback 458 times a day. And nothing else. Like these twats.

I did once ask for follows to reach the magic 100 mark, but this was done with a certain irony and a knowing, cheeky wink. I certainly wouldn’t tweet somebody at 8.30am on a Sunday morning and ask them where their reciprocal follow was, despite knowing from their timeline they are suffering a monstrous hangover.

I also used the follow back thingy to great effect in one of my favourite jokes ever. This is the only time it is acceptable.

So please, fellow twitterers, if you agree please do not 'follow back’, but follow who you want instead, after all we are subject to free will. And follow backers, you can get fucked. Jesus says.