On choosing vs being chosen Came across this yesterday in some old “notes to self” for my book chapter on desire, which in practice talks very little about me and a whole lot about other people. The more I think back on my history of feeling...

On choosing vs being chosen

Came across this yesterday in some old “notes to self” for my book chapter on desire, which in practice talks very little about me and a whole lot about other people.

The more I think back on my history of feeling undesirable, the more I think that it isn’t that people didn’t desire me, so much as it is that I was distinctly uncomfortable with the social dynamic that says that men are the choosers and women are the “chosen” ones. I wanted to be chosen, because it would be an act of affirmation, but I also wanted to choose who I was with. I definitely did notwant to be with someone I had not chosen.

It was not a deliberately “feminist” move on my part, but simply that I wanted to have some say in what my sex and relationships life looked like. What I didn’t like about being “chosen” is that it left me feeling, in the words of Cher Horowitz, “impotent and out of control”.

25 notes
  1. androgynouscardinal reblogged this from rachelhills and added:
    Whoa.
  2. noticeableaberration reblogged this from rachelhills
  3. nowaxmorechirp reblogged this from rachelhills and added:
    This! Can we not start at mutual admiration and respect in our relationships?
  4. wearechantingancientsongs reblogged this from rachelhills
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