Hell, I’ve dated a lot of guys that get a good chuckle outta me… but way back when, the story was serious. It was the foundation for INMIDY… and it’s the story of a diva’s first (of several heart breaks). This is the story of Private first class…When I dreamt of losing my V Card, I thought there would be rose petals and scented candles all over, but instead it was a random night on his futon…But then, looking back, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. He was my BEST friend. This goes beyond a bad date or two, cheap pick up lines, or stalkers…::cue the cheesy romantic music::  

I’d been best friends with Pvt. First Class for  years.. All throughout my childhood and into my senior year of high school.  We were partners in crime. Talking on the phone for hours into the night, sharing dating dilemmas (him about his girlfriends & me about my boyfriends) and giving each other helpful advice. He was the best. And obviously you can see how eventually something like this would develop into a relationship once we both were single at the same time and realized our attraction for each other.  For months it was all pure PG-13. After months of heavy petting and long make out sessions during hooky parties (I’d still been holding onto my virginity for dear life at this point), I started to seriously ponder the idea of him being my first. Why not, he was my best friend, and who else would I always be able to count on and look back at fondly.  But when he graduated high school, and told me about his plans to enlist,  I was devastated and now more than ever hell bent on having him be my first. So we eventually did the deed and of course it was way more awkward and fumbly than I’d hoped.  Elbows and knees in the wrong place, him asking if he was doing it right (how the hell should I know) and me wondering if he was done.  Far from magical, but indeed memorable. And afterward he offered me a pepsi and a cigarette, and I obliged since that’s just how it went down in the movies.  

A few months later off he went for his 4 month long training. The first 2 months weren’t as bad as I thought, we wrote each other 2-3 times a week, and a phone call here and there kept our relationship going. His letters and calls came in a bit less frequent the last couple of months but he blamed it on the intensity of the training and his exhaustion, yada yada yada.. And I ate it up like the young school girl that I was.  Then finally it was time for him to return! I couldn’t wait to see him and offered to pick him up; he said it wasn’t necessary since there’d be lots of forms and paper work for him to handle and that I’d be bored so he promised to call me when he finally got home.

What felt like an eternity later he finally called, and even though it was extremely late (and a school night) I insisted on going over to see him. Again he didn’t think it was a good idea since it was late and he was exhausted from the trip but promised that we would get together once he settles in. Three (long) days later we finally set some time to meet.  It was like christmas day for me… I met him with such enthusiasm and he just didn’t seem the same.  He sat me down and said we had to talk (damn, there goes that rock in the pit of my stomach) I’ll never forget this moment, because this was the moment I had my heart broken for the very first time. (and of course 2 broken hearts & 10 years later I finally learned that no one dies from a broken heart)

He’d met someone and fell in love with her during training, Burn…. She was here in town, staying with him and his family….. Double Burn. She’s pregnant, Triple burn….And he’s going to “do the right thing” and marry her once they’ve settled in to the city they’ve enlisted for…. Done! I got up and walked away. Refusing to let this boy see me cry.  After 2 weeks of ignoring his calls and emails he finally got the point and knew to piss off.

He’s reappeared several times over the last couple of years attempting to rekindle a bit more than friendship… And of course I’ve passed and also politely informed his wife that she was dealing with a first class asshole.

Moral of the story, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice I’ll kick your ass.