Date: everything ok?

Me: OMG!!!!!!!!!! I think a family member of my sis-n-law is in the hospital. I gotta go.

Date: Really? Omg, what happened?

Me: Not sure, but I think she needs me though. (By this time I saw the sad look on his face and I couldn’t just leave)

Date: I can take you, I totally understand.

Me: Well, let’s grab a quick bite. As soon as she calls I need to run though.

Date: Oh ok, great, I’ll drive you when she calls.

We get to the restaurant. It took a minute to find a place since he knew nothing about human entertainment! I also wanted a restaurant as close to pitch black as possible. We find one. We park. Get inside & get seated. You know there are those couples that make you stare & question why they are together. Yea, well that was US. I skimmed the menu and decided I would only have the veggies side dish b/c I was ready to consume 3 cocktails and thought I shouldn’t let depression increase my carb intake.

Waitress: Are you guys ready to order? Or do you need a few more minutes?

Me: No! I’m ready. I’d like the Pisco Sour, please! (The spot was Peruvian, so when in Rome!)

Date: I’ll have the chicken. Does that come with potatoes? Oh and a Sprite, please.

Me: You don’t want a cocktail?

Date: No, I don’t drink. I never have. It’s never been my thing.

Me: (with a look of horror) EVER? Why?? Really? OMG!

Waitress: (Looking at me) I’m sorry, are you ready to order your entrée?

Me: I’ll just have the vegetable side dish.

Waitress: just the side dish?

Me: (with what men in my family call the standard look of death all women in my family have) Yes! Just the veggies.

Date: Does that shock you?

Me: Ummm, yea, I mean…..you know what? Whatever (giggling) I totally understand, that’s cool.

His cell phone rings. Speaks quickly and hangs up.

Me: (thinking who could it be that it was so important to answer during our date) Is everything ok? Do you need to leave?

Date: No, no, not at all. That was just my mom. She knew I was going on a date and just wanted to make sure you weren’t some psycho girl trying to rape me.

Me: (Jaw dropped w/my already empty glass in hand) Are you serious? That was your mom?

Date: yea, she just worries.

Me: (giggling & thinking if this is really happening) Is she ok? Please update her and let her know that I’ve never raped a man. This is a first! I actually need another cocktail. I know you don’t drink, so I hope you don’t get freaked out.

Date: No, not at all. My mom is fine, she just worries, I don’t really go out and if I do it’s not so late.

At this point I heard enough and excuse myself to the ladies room. I take my phone & tell my sis-n-law she should abort my escape plan, I was at dinner & would get myself home. As I’m walking back to my table I see one of my male friends getting takeout! FML! There was no way he wouldn’t have seen me so I had to say hi. I walked past my table as if I hadn’t even been sitting there and went to say hello.

Me: Heeeeeyyyyy!!!!!!!!!! What are you doing around here?

Male friend: hey babe!! I’m getting food (giggling) you know I live around here.

Me: Right! Oh, good, good.

Male friend: Who are you with?

Me: Me? Oh, well (whispering) I’m with a guy friend. He just broke up with his gf and really needed to get out, so I felt bad. Anyway, let’s do wine soon!

Male friend: yes, def, my place, we haven’t hung out in a while.

Me: Great! Nice seeing you.

I walk back to my drink date.

Date: Hey, everything ok?

Me: yea, that’s just a good friend. I forgot he lived around here. Omg, I’m so tired. Is it ok if we leave?

Date: Really? Oh, ok. Should I drive you to the hospital?

Me: No, just home. I haven’t heard from her, I’m sure everything is fine.

We get to my block and as he pulls up to my house I see my neighbors out!

Me: Omg, please leave me at the corner and there’s no need to walk me to my door.

Date: (laughing) what happened? You ok?

Me: Yes! I’m fine. Well, my neighbors are out and well the last thing I want is for them to see me with a guy. I don’t want them to think I’m promiscuous. (As I think to myself, the online dating souls standing outside already hate me b/c they’ve witnessed a fair amount of visitors) 

Date: oh, ok. I understand. People are always nosey.

Me: Ugh I know. Ok, well, thank you so much. It was great catching up. (I jump out of the seat and head to my apartment w/out leaving any time for small talk).

In reality I could care less what my neighbors think but this guy just didn’t meet my usual standards and that made me uncomfortable. I get upstairs and regret not having a 3^rd drink b/c this was one for the records! I update my mom, friend & sis-n-law and during this I get a text from him. He was asking if I felt a vibe between us. I thought how someone could be so delusional!!!!!! But respectfully replied the following.

Me: _______, thank you so much for the date. The show was amazing. You are very nice but I am not at a place in my life right now where I feel I should be dating. I’m sure you will find a very nice girl. I’m sorry.

Date: is it b/c you still want to party? I understand. Hopefully we can still be friends. Hearing about you and your events with your friends sounded fun and I thought it’d be fun to hang out with you guys.

I never replied. For those that know me, know that my way of dealing with things is by not dealing with them. Operation Phase Out in full effect. Ladies, always do your research!!

Keep it classy,

Vodka

xoxo

For Part I, visit: http://itsnotmeitsdefinitelyyou.tumblr.com/post/1373049296/operation-phase-out-by-vodka-part-i