I met him back in elementary school…fast forward 20+yrs.  Its a whole new era, we now have facebook to remind us of our past and bring back those God awful school pictures that still haunt me today.  So about a year ago, I was tagged in picture on facebook from 3rd grade, everyone and their mama was commenting on the picture.  You see, after I moved away I only kept in touch with 2 people from those days.  As soon as I check, I had two friend requests…damn the person who tagged me! I accepted both and it turned out that they remembered a lot more about me than I did of them…but they were cute, so hey! Why not?! Lol.

I gots to talking with one of the two guys in particular.  He was fly and when I say fly…I mean fly!!!  Puerto Rican (are you noticing a trend here?), tall and just fly…(did I say that already?) When we started talking, I realized he was actually really funny…okay so a good sense of humor AND cute?  NICE!  Jackpot.  But that’s where it ended…he started telling me about his life and what he had been up to since 3rd grade…CLEARLY, we had a lot to catch up on…lmao.  He grew on me quickly and I know he was definitely feeling me and the feeling was mutual…

He started pulling out all these pictures from elementary school and started posting them on FB and tagging me all over the place…EMBARRASSING…but nevertheless cute, I guess.  He was also commenting all over my FB page, calling and texting me all the time.  Okay…this was definitely leading somewhere.  So he came to my neck of the woods, we grabbed coffee and hung out a while…we kissed (it was really really nice)…I was actually liking this dude.

But that’s when all the niceness stopped…I started finding things out about him that were automatic turn offs…he was a HUGE weed smoker…and when I mean huge, I mean like Bob Marley ain’t got shit on him status! He had children (yes, plural) and he had a mystery job…whenever I asked him questions, he would avoid them…hmmm, extremely suspect.  But of course, I kept on with this madness for a while…

One day he calls me up and tells me that he’s going to be in my neighborhood and that we should hang out and possibly go back to his place.  I tell him that I won’t be home till later that night and that I would meet up with him then. From the time I initially spoke to him to the time we were supposed to link up…he called me about 10times and texted me more times than that. I told him to relax that we’d meet up soon.  He calls me again and tells me that he was growing impatient waiting for me…I tell him to go ahead and leave, that I’ll drop by his place later that night.  I got home, showered…as I was packing my overnight bag, he starts texting me…yet again.  

Him: “Babe, when are you going to get here?”

Me: “Soon”

Him: “Okay, hurry”

Me: “Yes, I’ll get there soon.”

Him: “Babe, remember to bring a towel.”

Me: “A towel? HUH??”

Him: “Yea, you’re planning on sleeping over, so bring a towel to shower…duh!”

Me: “You don’t have any towels?”

Him: “I haven’t done laundry.”

Me:  "Ok.“

At this point, I am mortified and contemplating not even going…you don’t have not ONE extra clean towel ready for that unexpected visitor?  What was I stepping into?

That should’ve been my first sign to stay my ass home.    

So I get to his apartment…first thing I see is a pile of clothes thrown on the floor and as I walk through the living room, the whole apartment reeks of weed.

Okay. Seriously, what have I gotten myself into?

As I laid in his bed, I kept thinking to myself "what if he has bedbugs?” LMAO! I couldn’t sleep at all that night thinking that.  But thankfully, after a quick inspection of the bed when he left to use the bathroom, I managed to catch some zzzz’s and make it to work bedbug free with a slight weed stench.  ugh.

The following days, we kept in contact, business as usual.  

I went back to his apartment.  The next morning I joked about not having a towel with me…he tells me I could use his…okay.  WTF is going on?  Does this dude not own extra linens? 

I get out of the shower and I hear this:

“BITCH, FUCK YOU, you’re a dumb ass bitch who wants to fucking use me for my money…you’re a whore”…

I was completely HORRIFIED.  Who the hell was he talking to like this???

He puts the phone down for a second: “Babe, I’m sorry it’s this crazy ass bitch of my baby mom’s calling me asking me for more money when I gave her money yesterday.”  

I left his apartment, vowing to never return again.  I updated my facebook status that morning "Lesson Learned"…do you know that he called me and asked me why I was talking shit about him on facebook? WHAT?? How does “Lesson Learned” translate to me talking shit about you…please son, get over yourself.  

Obviously, I didn’t learn my lesson the first or second time…(but you know when you’re attracted to someone, it’s kind of hard to break that cycle…smh)…because one summer night, him and I spoke and I ended up at his apartment again.  

He told me he didn’t have towels and that once again I could use his towel…needless to say, I air dried myself in the bathroom and left his apartment and vowed never to come back again…

Moral of the story: Towels are the quintessential sign of a put together home. If he don’t got them…RUN.

-Juicy Judy