Dear Towing Company,

Fuck you very much. All I wanted was a bowl of fucking pho. You know, the delicious vietnamese soup that is a flavor explosion in your mouth. I just wanted to go out with my girl friends, make some dumb pho puns, (“It’s so pho-cking good.” “This is pho-nomenal” etc.) and then maybe get a little bit of a buzz after and watch Bridget Jones’ Diary. But that didn’t happen, and do you want to know why? BECAUSE YOU PHO-CKING TOWED MY CAR.

I can confidently say, that you single handly ruined my rice noodle and tofu broth experience. There I was, totally content after spoonful upon spoonful of broth and bean spouts, revelling in smugness that I am so culturally diverse and have such an ethnic palate, until I had to shell out $250 to get back my car that you took…  Tell me something, what is the difference between what you have done and what a car thief does?

FUCKING NOTHING.

But really, truly, fuck you very much for givng me the “cash discounted price.” As if that makes any of it seem less shady. Do you know the last time I took $300 out of an ATM?

FUCKING NEVER. ASSHATS. I AM BROKE AS SHIT.

Honestly though, the whole experience was really made better by your slovenly and incompetant employees in your creepy, murder-shackesque building. My friend pointed out that your poor employees don’t even have computers. Do you know why you don’t have computers?

BECAUSE YOU ARE SCAMMING BASTARDS, AND SCAMS DON’T REQUIRE COMPUTERS, FUCKFACES. 

In conclusion, you suck, fuck you, and go to hell.

Love,

Al

P.S. The candy in your 25¢ vending machine is stale and it fucking sucks.