Today, I did something I was dreading for months.

I broke up with my dream cafe client. The cafe that introduced me to the independent coffee scene. The one that made me appreciate amazing coffee. The one I used to visit every day at work, order the most perfect cappuccino and stare at the big display of baked goods, dreaming about the possibility of selling my baked goods out of that very display. 

It took months. Multiple tries, multiple contacts… many attempts to get their attention. After a long courtship, I eventually made it into that display. It was a dream come true.

Unfortunately, I was so focused on getting into the cafe that I didn’t exactly plan what would come next. I’ve already gone into a few details over what went wrong.. poor planning, an unsustainable pricing strategy… day by day, I was losing myself and barely hanging on. I told myself to stick through it, because I had worked so hard to get to that point. 

I tried to cut costs where possible, re-arrange schedules, I begged for help from family when it came to delegating whatever tasks I could. I spent months “hanging on” and trying new and different ways to “fix” things. But, eventually I couldn’t deny that my business was broken. I hadn’t set myself up to be successful. 

Denial, and eventually acceptance.

And so, after I realized that I was in denial about the actual “success” of my business (looks good on paper and to the outside world, not so profitable thanks to poor pricing strategy), I slowly allowed myself to arrive at the conclusion that I’d have to end things. 

The talk: it’s not you… it’s  me.

Then I initiated the talk. The one I had been dreading to do for weeks. I just couldn’t quite find the words to fully explain how I was feeling. But eventually, I found myself sitting across the room with the cafe owner, pouring out my heart and trying to stay professional at the same time. It’s really hard to admit you screwed up. 

The aftermath.

Deep down, I know that I did the right thing for my business. I put myself first, and focused on the bigger picture. But that still isn’t helping this sinking feeling in my stomach go away. It doesn’t help quell the guilt, regret, and fear that I gave up too easily and made a mistake. It didn’t help that the cafe owner was so understanding. He was compassionate, and left the door open for future opportunities once I figure things out on my end. And, he told me that people were really going to miss my muffins. 

Damn. 

Breaking up is hard to do. 

It never, ever gets easier.