Some Christmas songs suck. But not all bad Christmas songs are created equal: some make you tap out immediately, some make you depressed, and some are so bad, they’re good.
These are the selections I’ve made.
Songs That-Make-You-Switch-Stations
- Wonderful Christmas Time - Paul McCartney
Paul McCartney had a bunch of good songs post-Beatles…. it’s too bad he had to make a boring Christmas song, because now that’s the only Paul McCartney song we will hear, a million times in a row. Every Christmas. Every year. For the rest of our lives.
- Carol of the Bells - Trans-Siberian Orchestra
In what context does this song fit into the celebration of Christmas? Maybe a Christmas party (if your guests include Cirque Du Soleil.) At :34 seconds it gets super scary and all I know is, if you smoke weed listening to this song you will be terrified for your life.
- Do They Know It’s Christmas? - Band Aid
I didn’t even know the name of this one so I had to google search “boring song 80’s Christmas song.” I don’t even know how to make fun of it, it’s just ………… zzzzzzzz
Most Disturbing Christmas Songs:
I believed in Santa when I was a kid, so I thought this song was about true infidelity. I grew up around a lot of divorce so I thought “Well, yea, I guess someone’s mom could cheat on their dad with Santa … that’s plausible. People cheat on each other all the time, whatever, that’s life, we’re all gonna die eventually.”
Because it’s about date-rape. I assume this is common knowledge by now.
This song is upsetting. Why? Oh I don’t know— maybe because it’s about hazing?
This also scared me as a child. Grandma is DEAD you guys, WHY is this funny????
And then,
of course, some songs
are not worthy of ridicule;
they are holiday treasures….
Songs So-Bad-They’re-Good:
- Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays - Nsync
Say what you will about ‘Nsync— but in their hey-day, these guys were willing to look dumb. They were willing to put their sex-appeal on the back-burner for some cheese-tastic holiday fun. Can we say same about that about Justin Bieber?? NO.
- My Only Wish This Year - Britney Spears
This song is awful. It’s also the only Christmas song Britney Spears ever released … therefore an instant American classic.
- Christmas Time - Christina Aguilera
Love this because it captures the pre-dirty, tough-Xtina image (circa 2000) and pairs it with a song about hanging out with family at Christmas time…ALSO she raps about xmas at 2:30…)
- Xmas Tree - Lady Gaga
If no one’s caught on just yet, Lady Gaga has a sense of humor. The idea of “Sexxxxy Christmas!” is pretty laughable and this song captures it perfectly. This song is exquisitely, positively hilarbearz.
Merry Christmas, friends. Remember to enjoy all the Christmas music— yes, even if it’s terrible.