In response to a spate of criticism, the president this week called a press conference to disclose the previously secret interpretations of the law used by the administration in its prosecution of the war on terror.

“I’ve got the briefs right here,” said President Obama, removing his right hand from a coat pocket and holding up his middle finger. “Attorney General Eric Holder personally oversaw their writing and I have complete faith that they are consonant with the principles laid out in the Constitution,” he added, slowly rotating from right to left to show the lone erect finger to the room of reporters and legal scholars. 

“If you have any questions, I ask you to direct them to the esteemed jurist on my left,” he added, pulling out his left hand, which was also flipping the bird.

Though shocking, op-ed columnists have rushed to point out previous examples of similar behavior. E. J. Dionne reminded readers that George W. Bush “poked his tongue in his cheek and curled one hand to give the impression he was sucking a big ol’ cock” while being questioned about the invasion of Iraq, and George F. Will observed that even as venerable a leader as Lincoln would “cross his forearms in an ‘X’ shape and slam them vociferously upon his crotch when challenged on the wisdom of privileging the dignity of the slave over the sanctity of the state.”

As members of the press asked questions, Obama would appear to discover something below the podium, then raise up his hand still in the middle finger position. “Want to ask about drone policy, or the NSA surveillance programs, or how I said I would close Gitmo?” he continued, pulling out both fingers yet again. 

“Great question,” he said, stroking his chin with a middle finger.

When asked about the fate of Edward Snowden the president appeared distracted by a makeup case for which his middle finger served as the lid. He used the other hand, also flicking off everyone in attendance, to apply the imaginary makeup to his face.

“It was weird, sure,” said a Washington Post reporter who asked to be unnamed. “But I’m just glad the culture of secrecy is starting to break.”