Dudes I love the idea of a superhero show shot like parks and rec or the office (a la that one tumblr post specific to marvel) but I’m like we gotta get some original superheroes otherwise there’s gonna be some issues with copy rights. So I give you what I have so far of the cast:

Retta:

Retta would play an opera singer with black canary type powers

Terry Crews:

Crews would play an artist, no one is quite sure what his powers are. Everyone thinks its super strength but hes just naturally a really strong dude. He actually can shape shift into any animal, with a preference for the small, cute and cuddly (the animal retains the speaking voice of terry crews)

Mindy Kaling:

Mindy’s character would work a regular office job, and her powers would be time manipulation. Her story line would focus on the crush she has on her waitress who works at the diner she gets breakfast from every day. She gets nervous and babbles when she talks to the waitress so she ends up using her powers a lot to do over their conversations. 

Then there’s the whole, capable woman trains man because it turns out he is the chosen one not her even though she is more equipped to do so trope. I’ve decided at the last moment before touching the artifact that the chosen one needs to touch to get their super powers the man say wait no never mind you do the thing you are clearly better at it than me. These characters will be played by

Tatiana Maslany:

The artifact will give maslany captain marvel type powers (flying, shooting light beams from hands etc). I want her to be a veteran so she can compare whatever high jinks are happening in the show (like I don’t know some body magicked the toaster and now it is sentient) to her experiences and look into the camera like “I have literally been to war and this shit right here is even more messed up than that was.” She is also a veterinarian because I want her to tell people that she is a vet vet.

And naturally her counterpart would be:

Chris Pratt:

(why are all the google images of pratt hunky dude poses with no smiles) So pratt would play like a cook or something, not quite andy dwyer but still a goofy, good dude. He’s gonna get kidnapped and has to be rescued by Tatiana all the time as a running joke. One day he gets kidnapped by some corny but not super evil villain and they’re sitting around like…where is she. Then it cuts away to whatever the A plot of that episode is. The next cut back to them is pratt sitting on the couch next to the villain (i’m imagining like full on magneto style costume with a helmet and everything) playing mario kart. Pratt’s like “blue shell motherfucker.” The next time the show cuts to them they are arguing about the ethics of using blue shell. The next cut is to the villain telling Pratt like, “listen man, it’s getting late. I don’t think she’s coming. I’ve got this presentation to give at work tomorrow. I’m just gonna let you go.” And it cuts to Pratt walking in to his and Tatiana’s apartment and she’s just sitting there eating cold chinese food like…sup.

Nick Offerman:

would play some sort of wise janitor/handiman/anything that like spews wisdom and basically will come in to help further the plot, but everyone is alone when they talk to him so no one is sure if he is real and no one wants to ask. 

Max Greenfield:

has tech disruption powers. Hes kind of a dramatic over the top character (much like schmidt from new girl). His powers are useful when fighting bad guys with high tech weaponry but 99% of the time they are just annoying and he really just wants to watch netflix without it buffering for 2 hours. 

Tyler Posey:

Would bank roll the whole operation. His character invented an app that sold for like a billion dollars and he used that money to fund more inventions which means he’s rich as shit. His character is basically just tyler posey with a jet pack. 

So that’s what I’ve got so far. If any of you have any ideas feel free to add them to this post or message me. I still need a team name. ALSO WAY MORE LADIES.