Huckleberry Gal

Reflecting on the birth of Miss Luella Josephine stirs strong emotions for me that I am sure can be attributed somewhat to hormones but are still very fresh and hard to believe.

Lula Jo was delivered via c-section at 4:25 AM on Wednesday, November 21st after 25 hours of labor.  How in the world did we get there?  The one thing I said over and over throughout the pregnancy was that I did not want a c-section.  I didn’t prepare for it - always skipping over those sections on the iPhone apps and chapters in books.  But it happened and thankfully she was perfect and I am healthy - despite some pain. 

I had been having cramps since Hurricane Sandy - so when I started having cramps on the the night of the 19th I didn’t think much of it.  But at 3:45 AM Tuesday, the 20th, I decided to get out my iPhone app that counts contractions just to see if there was any pattern to these cramps.  I was shocked that they were about 4-6 minutes apart, lasting for 40-60 seconds.  We hung around the apt until about 9AM until I was too antsy and in too much pain to sit around at home. 

We got to the hospital and it was all surreal.  I couldn’t believe that this might be the real thing.  That we might meet our little girl soon.  I was 2cm dilated at my last doctor’s appt so I figured when they checked me at the hospital a week later I would have made some big progress considering all the contractions and cramps - but no, I was still 2 cm dilated.  I couldn’t believe it.  They had me wait for a little bit until another doctor could come check but they were thinking of sending me home.  Home! I can’t go home in this pain I thought - I just wanted an epidural and wanted to get this show on the road.  The doctor came back to check about an hour later and I was 3 cm dilated and almost fully effaced in just 1 hour so they decided to admit me. 

By that point I was begging for an epidural, but because my blood pressure was reading high they delayed it until almost 2:00 in the afternoon.  Finally, I felt relaxed and was able to sleep.  The doctor said my body was doing beautifully on its own - contractions looked strong and he thought I was progressing very well.  I had hope and was delighted. 

Around 8:00 a new doctor came into check me and told me my contractions had tapered off so she was going to give me some Pitocin to get them going again.  I was watching the monitor and noticed the Pitocin was not making my contractions look much stronger - but I thought “What do I know?” I was sure it was working.  At 11:00 the doctor came back to check me and I had not progressed at all.  I had been at 8cm for some hours now.  She told me if I didn’t start making progress soon a c-section was in my future.  Then she checked me again and noticed the baby’s head was “OP” or Sunny side up.  This was one reason why I was not making progress.  It was also why I was pushing my “top off” button on the epidural so often.  Supposedly babies in this position make labor pain far worse and it all started to make sense. 

The doctor said I could try pushing my way to 10 cm and then push the baby out.  I was determined to do this and not have to have a c-section.  She warned me it would be harder because of the baby’s position but it didn’t matter to me.  I was ready to try anything to make it all end.  Brad was my nurse and would tell me when to start pushing and count through it.  He really is an incredible husband and teammate.  I really felt like we were accomplishing something despite the increasing pain and decreasing energy level I had. 

By about 2 AM, after pushing for over 2 hours, the doctor told me I was 10 cm but because of the position of the baby’s head (face up) she didn’t think I was going to get the baby out without forceps and she didn’t feel comfortable using that method.  My pain was at such a level that I couldn’t open my eyes and I was in a complete other world.  The epidural had completely worn off.  The nurses checked my temperature and I had a temp of 102.  That sealed the deal.  The doc told me we needed to prepare for the Operating Room.  I was too out of it to cry - but I wanted to bawl.  I couldn’t believe after all that - I had to have this complicated surgery.  I felt like a “loser” - like I had done something wrong or not tried hard enough. 

In the operating room, my legs were completely numb. It was bright and cold and lonely.  Brad wasn’t allowed in yet.  They made sure the epidural was still effective by performing a “sharps” test.  When they poked my legs with a pin I couldn’t feel anything but when they got to my abdomen I could feel it.  The anesthesiologist couldn’t believe it.  How could my legs be numb but not my abdomen?  She determined that the epidural wasn’t working and they had to give me a new epidural.  I almost lost my cool at that point.  I told them - I had been trying to tell the nurses and doctors for hours that I was in intense pain and the epidural wasn’t working.  They finally got it right for the surgery. It was scary.  I remember telling Brad how scared I was.  I could feel so much going on on the other side of the sheet.  Finally I heard a cry and knew our little girl was here.  But because I had a developed a temperature in labor they had to take her straight to the NICU to make sure she didn’t develop an infection.  I didn’t even get to see her in the operating room.  I laid there for another hour as they stitched everything up and was then sent to recovery. 

Brad and I were in shock, exhausted, in pain, and just wanted to see our little girl.  I was sent up to my room and couldn’t stop crying.  The nurses were trying to tell me how happy this time was - but it just wasn’t for me.  It wouldn’t be happy until I could hold my baby. 

Brad was allowed to go see her in the NICU and came back with a cell phone picture for me to view.  I stared at that throughout the day until 2:00 in the afternoon when they finally allowed me to get out of bed and go down to the NICU to see her. 

She was so peaceful and precious - I couldn’t even believe that she was ours.  I was only allowed to stay there for 30 minutes because I was post-op. We soaked up every second together. 

Recovering from a c-section is a whole other story that I could write pages on but won’t.  Let’s just say last week was incredibly trying and hard.  I couldn’t have done it without Brad and my parents.  A week has gone by and I still can’t believe it.  It was not what I expected at all.  Yes, thankfully everyone is safe and healthy but I do wish it had been much different. 

The good news is I have this adorable, squeaky little girl who is the sweetest most precious gift ever given to me.  I love her so much already and I can’t wait for all our adventures together.