| Camera iPhone 5c | |
| ISO 50 | Aperture f/2.4 |
| Exposure 1/21th | Focal Length 4mm |
Fridge Analysis
Stonehill,
My sister opens my fridge, and says I’ll never get a man. Curious. What do you think?
-Julie
Stonehill Analysis
Julie, your fridge reminds me of a story.
When I was in 3rd grade, I had a teacher named Ms. Margolis. One day, she walked into class and said she was no longer Ms. Margolis. She was Mrs. Donowitz.
We were all like – watchu talkin’ about Ms. Margolis? Ms. Margolis said she got married and now had her husband’s name.
This confused us even more. How the hell could Ms. Margolis get married? She was our teacher, she couldn’t be a wife. That’s how we defined her. And back then, we didn’t think you could have more than one role in life, the same way we saw our mom as a mom, not as a wife (or God forbid, a sexual dynamo to our father).
This one sided view of people never completely goes away. Sometimes we define people by what they do, where they’re from, even who they’re with.
Now, I say all this as your fridge tells me that some might define you as one thing: a mom.
To be clear, your fridge tells me you’re more than just a mom. But I can see you’re a mom as well. (Whether or not you’re a sexual dynamo is out of my jurisdiction)
Why, a mom?
Well for starters, there’s no possible way one person can eat all this shit. The fact that you have a stand-up model with temp controls also tells me you’re probably a homeowner, as they’re not usually found in rentals and thus, lessens the likelihood you have roommate.
The Eggo, Jimmy Dean and chicken nuggets are kid friendly, and with all that butter, I have to guess you either bake or you’re Amish.
Now, moving past madre-manor, I see you eat healthy. Every serving of fruits and veggies ups the odds you look good naked by 5%. With V8, broccoli, Greek Yogurt and salad in there, you do the math ☺.
One last definition I can pin on you is a Host. And a damn good one. You have the fuel necessary to have a date over for a nightcap and if you get lucky, a delish breakie come morning.
One of my top 5 things to have in your fridge is some kind of shareable snack/hors d'oeuvre. And you have salsa. Did you buy it to have a date over? Probably not. But it’s great to have, whoever you’re hosting.
In addition, you have multiple cheeses, enough beer to prime a frat party and wine to cover all palettes. Though to quote Patrick Swayze, nobody puts beer in a corner. Your fridge is a bit of a shit show and that beer deserves a proper shelf.
With the eggs, waffles, breakfast sandwiches, juice and milk, the last time I saw this much variety, I was hung-over at my neighborhood diner. Very nice.
To put the cherry on your ‘sexiest breakfast fridge ever’ sundae, consider getting a bottle of real maple syrup. Here’s an old Dating Ammo tip why: http://tinyurl.com/qx3z2j8
In conclusion, you’re not just a mom, a hottie and a host. You’re date ready. And that’s vital when you’re single.
Fridge Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)
Shag on first date: 7.5
You’ve got what it takes to skew high on the Yummy Mummy Meter. You also have the bevs needed to grease the rails to Titillation Town, and the snacks and breakie needed to keep him there.
As a mom, the time you have to date is probably more limited. So I have to assume if you like a guy, you won’t waste that time playing games.
Marry: 5.5
You’re very impressive in the shag department.
In the marriage department, not as much. You eat well and host well so you’re definitely above average. But your fridge is a bit chaotic. And chaos in one’s fridge usually translates to chaos in one’s life.
Your sis might be a bit harsh at times. But when it comes to her assessment here, she does have some points.
Boil your Bunny: 3
The fact that you’re taking care of a kid(s) tells me you have enough on your plate, and if there’s one thing I know about boiling bunnies, it’s very time consuming.
So you get the benefit of the doubt here. Your lack of organization bumps you up a few points, but I don’t feel the need to lock up my pets around you.
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eM