Fridge Analysis
Hey Stonehill,
Here’s my fridge. What'ya think???
-Mindy
Stonehill Analysis
Mindy, your fridge reminds me of a line in The 40 Year Old Virgin when Andy asks Jay if he’s good looking and Jay tells him, he’s a good-looking cat, but you can’t see it. Same with your fridge.
You’ve got some great stuff going on here. But at first glance, you might think, “wow…this fridge is a shithole”. Because, frankly, it is. And I’m saying this cause you truly are a cool cat, which I’m going to get to in a minute. You’re just not letting others see it.
So lets get the constructive criticism out of the way first…
For starters, your fridge is a mess. There’s no organization, and that schmutz on the bottom looks like it’s been there long enough to pay rent. Your frozen fruits are falling off the shelves, and your frozen veggies are making a run for it. I see stuff in there that dates back to the Bush Administration.
The egg carton looks like it’s crashing your fridge roof-rave, and god invented Tupperware for a reason. I’m impressed that you cook, but pots are meant to live in ovens, not fridges.
Unfortunately, this fridge gives off the wackypack vibe. You might not be, but it’s important to know that’s the vibe you’re giving off. Single woman + fridge pigsty + cat is stereotyped for a reason.
That all said, you got some great attributes and I want them to shine…
First off, you fulfill the classic formula passed down from father to son: healthy diet + exercise = 1 saucy set.
You’d downing tons of fruits and veggies and with the MyoFusion and protein, you’re clearly exercising. Plus, you have other supplements, from Brew Dr. Kombucha to Real Food Organic, that all do your body good.
I also like that you’re clever and resourceful. You make you’re own yogurt, wine and cheese. If you didn’t have electricity, you’d be a sexy Amish.
You’re even a survivalist. You have enough shit on hand to chill when the big one hits, plus frozen veggies to make a seriously mean salsa.
And you got the little things. I love that you have real maple syrup. It blows away corn syrup-based crap and fixing pancakes for a lucky dude on Sunday morning is what weekends are made of. Per your 10 milks and creamer, you’re also ready to wake him to the smell of fresh brewed coffee.
I can go on, but you get my point. You got killer stuff in here, but it’s getting lost. Like a shitty forest drowning out some awesome trees. It’s a no-brainer you’re hot, but that’s only enough for the short team. For the long haul, we don’t marry crazy. We just bang them.
Now, the goods news is it’s easy to change. Here are some suggestions:
• Stop hoarding and throw shit out.
• Organize. If it can’t fit in your fridge, get rid of it. Or better yet, have a get-together at your house and serve it.
• Clean. Wipe down the shelves, mop the floor and find a better home for what’s atop the fridge.
• Focus. You have so much going on in your life, which is great. (And if we can’t find happiness on our own, we won’t with anyone else) But my concern is when I see a single’s fridge packed to the brim, they don’t have room in their life for anyone else.
• Go out. I love that you’re eating half a health-food store. But when single, you have to get out and meet people. With a fridge this packed, you might have too many meals at home.
That’s a good start. We all have shit to work on and no one’s perfect.
Though it’s annoying, life can be a game. And we all have to play it. So put your best foot forward. You’ll be like Ally Sheedy at the end of The Breakfast Club. With a little makeover, we’ll be like, holy crap, this Mindy’s awesome.
Fridge Dating Scorecard (on scale of 1 to 10)
Shag on first date: 8
I don’t think I can come up with a better line than, “Would you like to try my homemade wine?” If that doesn’t grease the rails to Saucy Town, the shots of Fireball sure will.
Marry: 5.5
I see a lady with a ton of potential. You take care of yourself, have personality and you’re clever + resourceful.
My concern is that chaos in one’s fridge usually means chaos in one’s life. I think you can get there, you just has to work on a few things. (Starting with losing the generic ketchup. Any respectable wife buys Heinz ☺)
Boil your Bunny: 4
If you can boil milk to make yogurt, you can boil bunnies to make fear. With so many assets, I won’t sound the alarm, but the mess and survival skills are red flags.
Find me on
eM