THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2 (2014)
Not even the adorable goo goo eyes exchanged between Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone could make Marc Webb’s Spider-Man sequel amazing. But there is at least one thing worth celebrating: Peter Parker finally has the good sense to use Google instead of Bing.
Despite the promise of a talented cast such as the two mentioned above, returning champ Sally Field, and the addition of individually magnetic actors Jamie Foxx and Dane DeHaan, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 missed the mark completely. It’s a damn shame, because its story had quite a lot of potential, but writers Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman couldn’t seem to decide what they wanted this movie to be and threw in everything and the kitchen sink. This resulted in a bloated, noisy affair that suffered from one too many villains and, worst of all, a bit of an identity crisis for the webbed superhero. While its predecessor, the largely unnecessary but somewhat entertaining The Amazing Spider-Man, wasn’t exactly worth writing home about either, the sequel continues to prove that this franchise reboot is less a celebration of everyone’s friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, and more about making money the laziest, least creative way possible. Why lazy and uncreative? Because the writers changed the characters’ origin stories for the sole reason that Sony wanted to jump on the Marvel Cinematic Universe bandwagon (more on that later), even though they haven’t done enough to set this up for success. Because this film felt sloppy, squandering what could have been a potentially impactful storyline in favor of showy, over-the-top antics (I’m looking at you, Dr. Kafka). Because its musical score was so awful, I am forced to use hyperbole and declare that it nearly made my ears bleed. Because the addition of the X-Men: Days of Future Past post-credits teaser was tacky and the marketing equivalent of trying to make “fetch” happen (spoiler alert: it’s never gonna happen, FOX and Sony). These are merely a few of the offenses made by Marc Webb’s disappointing sequel.
While the film was visually impressive and featured elaborate action set pieces, and the love story between Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy was fun to observe as a third wheel, The Amazing Spider-Man 2’s mistakes were egregious enough that they overshadowed these high points. The most glaring error was the lack of cohesion in the script. Not only were there too many things going on, but they seemed to be completely unrelated to each other. The story jumped from Peter Parker’s (Garfield) on-again-off-again romance with Gwen Stacy (Stone), to his brief rekindling of friendship with heir to OsCorp throne Harry Osborn (DeHaan), to uncovering the secrets behind his parents’ mysterious deaths, to battling Blue Man Group wannabe Electro (Foxx)…there was a thing with Rhino (played by Paul Giamatti), a plot point involving Aunt May that was introduced and quickly forgotten…All this occurred probably only within the first hour of the film. These individual elements worked well in isolation and as mentioned before had tremendous potential, but Orci and Kurtzman failed to weave them together. The writing duo seemed to be making things up as the film went along, with only a vague sense of direction and a plan B that consisted of “Let’s just write ourselves out of this situation!”
Warning: 1) spoilers to follow, 2) this is one of my more rant-ridden reviews, so proceed with caution, 3) this thing is hella long. I let my nerd rage loose on this one, so if you don’t like to read, well, that can’t be helped, really.
One would say that this was a product of ambitious minds, while another could point out that this was the result of a lack of focus and a throw-in-everything-and-see-what-sticks mentality. An argument could be made that this narrative clusterfuck was intentional; that it was meant to show how Peter was out of his element, perhaps caught in a web of his own making when he thought he could handle all these things at once. Perhaps this kitchen sink method was intended to throw Spider-Man off balance, to show that the snarky teenager couldn’t have everything - not a girlfriend, a best friend, or even the fond memory of his parents. But the counter argument is: was this the best way this message could have been imparted? The answer is a resounding no. Even with a commendable, streamlined message like that, the film was still much too loud, seemingly forgetting that the first movie only became a hit because its small, cutesy love story was what resonated with viewers. The sequel pays homage to Peter and Gwen’s epic romance, sure. In fact, it may have been one of the very few things that was done well in the film. However, the rest of The Amazing Spider-Man 2 was so out of touch with this one golden nugget, making everything else seem like irritating background noise.
One of the things that really bothered me (and should bother hardcore Spider-Man fans) was the change to the web-slinger’s origin story. The film puts forth the notion that the venom from the radioactive spider that bit Peter could only have turned Peter Parker into Spider-Man - that chance didn’t turn this smartass teenager into a superhero but rather a pre-ordained conspiracy. You know the now-famous line from Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man, “With great power comes great responsibility”? Well, you can throw that out the window, because this was a lesson that Peter Parker apparently didn’t need to learn, because he was literally born to be Spider-Man. He didn’t have to earn responsibility for his newfound powers because Daddy Parker decided for some bullshit reason spurred on by some bullshit non-canonical OsCorp conspiracy that radioactive spider venom could only positively work with Parker DNA. If that line of thinking doesn’t make your head explode (or at least mildly irritate you), consider the fact that this does not only quash Uncle Ben’s romantic moral, but it also tramples on the everyman quality that made Spider-Man so iconic and identifiable in the first place. Peter Parker wasn’t a billionaire, a super soldier, or an invincible alien. He was a trash-talking teenager with an occasional affinity for scienc-ey things, but who was ultimately a regular Joe you can easily empathize with. He could be anybody. And the freak accident that turned him into Spider-Man embraces the theme that anyone can be a superhero; it’s why the fact that Spider-Man is masked is so essential. It has nothing to do with some innate precondition, but a desire to do good with the powers he was given. It’s an aspirational theme unique to Spider-Man, and The Amazing Spider-Man 2’s team completely spit in its face with their half-assed, completely unnecessary attempt at reinventing the wheel. It’s the goddamn Midichlorians all over again.
This whole reinvention of Peter Parker/Spider-Man should be considered an egregious offense because it really tarnishes the spirit of the character, yet some people think that a sassy Spider-Man, an endearing Gwen Stacy, and a light show reminiscent of an LSD-induced rave are ample elements to call this a passable Spider-Man movie. The people who were pissed about Zack Snyder’s Supermanabandoning his boy scout, thou-shalt-not-kill code of honor should be equally offended by Kurtzman and Orci’s altering of Spider-Man’s origins, yet few seem to grasp just how much their writing changed the character.
Peter Parker/Spider-Man isn’t the only character that Orci and Kurtzman did a number on. The villains in this film suffered on a completely different level of pain. For one, making it so that all the villains stem from OsCorp is quite possibly the laziest way to bring about the Sinister Six. Not only does it ignore the colorful, interesting origin stories of each of these villains, but it dilutes the value of the Sinister Six to begin with. Instead of the humor behind a ragtag group of villains bonding over their mutual hatred of Spider-Man, they are united by OsCorp. Boring, unimaginative and completely unsatisfying. Turning what were very human incarnations of The Green Goblin(s) into a genetic curse, the result of Osborn blood mixing with radioactive spider venom…once again, Orci and Kurtzman have decided that these characters don’t ever need to evolve or come into their own. They are simply born to be the characters they inhabit. I find this incredibly lazy. They couldn’t be bothered to write a compelling enough argument for why Harry Osborn would hate Spider-Man, so they decided to concoct this elaborate back story of an Osborn-exclusive disease that created the Green Goblin? Well. I suppose we need only remember that these are the same writers behind Star Trek: Into Darkness, and all of a sudden, this explains so much of why TASM2 failed.
And what about the hideously cartoonish Dr. Kafka (played campily by Marton Csokas), whose maniacal, affected behavior was completely out of place in the film. Also shockingly bad was Dane DeHaan, who played Harry Osborn with either zero helpful direction from Marc Webb, or a completely misplaced idea of who his character was supposed to be. DeHaan was all over the place, pining over his character’s daddy issues one moment then prancing around whistling game show tunes in B-movie bad guy mode the next. It’s a damn shame, because DeHaan is a fine actor, having previously wowed audiences with his intensity in films like Chronicle and The Place Beyond the Pines. His talent is squandered in this film because his character is simply a joke and not very well-written. it doesn’t help that the only reason the Green Goblin is even in this film is because Gwen Stacy, at some point, needs to exit the franchise, and we all know who is responsible for her demise. This raison d’être would’ve been excusable, but it shouldn’t be too much to ask that a villain have at least a little bit more dimension other than that their actions lead to the death of an important character.
Jamie Foxx’s Electro, who was supposed to be this film’s Big Bad, seemed like more of an after thought. Instead of providing a teachable moment for Spider-Man by reminding him that his newfound powers give him responsibility to help people, Electro is instead set up to be this socially awkward fanboy whose character motivation and overall existence in the story remained sketchy at best. Electro has no relation to anything else in the story other than a fly-by interaction with Spider-Man and association to Gwen due to their shared workspace at OsCorp. He is brought into the story to distract from the Green Goblin swooping in for a final, heartbreaking blow at the end, which while commendable, would have been much more effective had he been written as a more formidable character. Instead, you could replace Electro with virtually any villain in the Marvel universe, and the story would have remained completely intact. Sure, Electro provided some fantastic action set pieces for the film, and the fight between he and Spidey was fun to watch. But haven’t we progressed past the point where villains in movies only exist to make the superhero look cool?
Electro’s real involvement in this film is simple, however: Sony wanted a Sinister Six movie. Never mind that they didn’t do enough to set up the film, let alone that these villains deserved to see the light of day (tell me exactly how we take Vulture and Mysterio seriously). The whole affair reeks of Sony’s pretentiousness, scrambling to manufacture their own brand of Marvel juju with a half-baked attempt at their own cinematic universe.
Since we’re on the subject of the offensive, let us move on to the horrendous music courtesy of Hans Zimmer and The (Not So) Magnificent Six. In a scene set in Times Square, the music became so distracting that it actually takes audiences out of the movie, making them notice that the score is bleating at them. And at one point during a knock-down, drag-out battle with Spidey, Electro manages to play “Itsy Bitsy Spider”. HOW. WHY. This can’t be happening. This movie’s score is quite possibly one of the worst ever, and someone needs to tell Hans Zimmer that he is no longer allowed to use reverberations in his score.
Now that the rant-ier portion of this review is over, some other mistakes need mentioning, including the wasted potential of Aunt May’s storyline about having to work two jobs just to make ends meet. Had this angle been fleshed out, or even made central to the story, it would have really made the film soar. Aunt May’s sacrifice could have been a reminder to Peter that he doesn’t have to constantly carry this cross for his dead parents, because Aunt May is doing a perfectly bang-up job in their stead. The laser focus on the deceased Mr. and Mrs. Parker is a major reason this movie is so flawed. Orci and Kurtzman’s efforts to turn the Parkers into martyrs distracted from the people who actually really made an impact on Peter’s life - Gwen and Aunt May.
Speaking of Gwen and Aunt May, they made up some of the few bright spots in this otherwise unbearable film. One of the things that makes this movie remotely tolerable is the romance between Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy. The chemistry between Garfield and Stone was very apparent, possibly one of the perks of being a real-life couple. There was a point, however, where Marc Webb’s 500 Days of Summer lens kicked in and he practically turned the film into a music video. The scene where Peter walks through traffic to meet Gwen was a tad overdone. The music was overbearing and the flirtations were so cute, they bordered on the uncomfortable. Much as I am a hopeless romantic, these scenes spoke more to the hateful miscreant in me and came off slightly saccharine. Webb admits that he wanted this movie to cement the idea of Peter and Gwen, and it did, but there were much better ways that the same message could have come across. Had Peter just stopped across the sidewalk from Gwen and gazed at her as she was waiting from the other side of the street…that would have been enough.
The one thing the film did get perfectly right throughout was Gwen Stacy, whose character was the only one who not only evolved during the course of the story but who, at the same time, remained clear and constant. What was clear and constant was that she was her own person. She repeatedly asserted that she makes her own decisions - from declaring that she doesn’t want to live in the shadow of her dead father to her decision to go to Oxford to pursue her dreams. Gwen is smart and knows what she wants, yet time and again Peter takes her for granted, which in a way forces her to evolve. Because of this, it’s clear that Gwen and Peter are on totally different paths. Gwen is growing as a person while Peter remains the same - and if Peter, supposedly the main protagonist, is stagnant, well, that just doesn’t bode well for the story. The lesson he learns at the end of this movie is what he already should have learned in the first film - how to cope with loss. The lesson he should have learned this time around was taking responsibility and owning the fact that he has taken the people around him for granted, whether it’s people like Max/Electro (who look up to Spider-Man yet often get neglected), or Aunt May (who tries her hardest as a single parent), or Gwen (who desperately wants to convince Peter that their love should take priority over the wishes of a dead man). Instead, Peter learns nothing, and he repeatedly learns nothing. Gwen’s death is hammered into the audience’s head as her fault because she chose to get involved. For some reason, Peter’s grand gesture on the Brooklyn Bridge as Gwen is going off to pursue her dream is supposed to be romantic, when really had he listened to her at all and accepted that she was moving on, she would have never been in such a precarious situation to begin with. What’s interesting about Peter’s lack of responsibility for anything is that this feels oddly familiar, like Ichabod Crane from Orci and Kurtzman’s TV project, Sleepy Hollow, who is apparently a character who can do no wrong no matter the circumstance.
So let’s talk about exactly how unlikable Peter Parker is in this movie. He rebuffs Gwen because of a promise he made to her dying father (a promise he broke by the way at the end of the first movie). Gwen gives him a talking-to for being indecisive, and for letting a dead man dictate what they do with their relationship. I feel good about this, because Gwen should be mad. But what I don’t like about this whole exchange is that Peter comes off like he’s doing the heroic thing, honoring the wish of Gwen’s father. Gwen just comes off callous, inconsiderate of her own father’s dying wishes. Wow, can’t she just understand that Peter is trying to do the right thing? Cue the ghost of Amazing Spider-Mans Past in the form of Denis Leary scowling in the background. They break up and Peter is brooding over the twang of Mumford and Sons. Clearly he is very sad. I mean, he cued up the Mumford and Sons! Fast forward and then he talks to Aunt May, who in an outburst tells him that she is working two jobs just so he can go to college. Well, that heartbreaking confession completely flies over Peter’s head because he couldn’t give two shits that his ancient aunt is performing back breaking work just so he can be provided for while he gallivants as Spider-Man. He instead complains that Aunt May is hiding the truth about his parents from him and oh, he’s so pained. He’s so pained that the camera is at a Dutch angle to reflect this inner turmoil. I MEAN. THEN. THEN he sort of rekindles his romance with Gwen, but right when she’s sharing something that is meaningful to her, namely going to Oxford and pursuing her dreams, Spidey senses kick in and he totally leaves her hanging as he goes off to fight Electro. Worst boyfriend. THEN. She shows up at her interview for the Oxford thing and he bursts in mumbling about how his whole life is A LIE because OsCorp this and his parents that, not even stopping to consider that this is Gwen’s most important day and he is making this all about him. But then of course, all this isn’t Peter’s fault because Andrew Garfield is always adorable and he’s flustered and babbling and tells Gwen he loves her repeatedly even though he has an odd way of showing it (rebuffing her numerous times, never listening to her, not being there for when she needs him). So the gist is: Peter Parker is an asshole to everyone in the movie, yet he is AMAZINGLY oblivious to this and as a result, never takes responsibility. He never realizes that he needs to sort out his priorities and emerges from the whole story seemingly unchanged. As long as he’s being a smartass and fighting bad guys, no one apparently cares that this is a character who is completely unchanged from the beginning of this series to its current end. What was his inner conflict to begin with? No one knows! He probably didn’t have any. He was awesome before he became Spider-Man and he’s even more awesome afterwards, especially now that it’s been established that he was the only one who could ever be Spider-Man thanks to Daddy Parker. Is this even a Peter Parker you recognize?
If it were up to me, this movie would have been an hour and thirty minutes. Cut out the bit with Rhino, spare the audience the painfully silly exposition bits (did you really need to show Peter Parker watching a how-to Youtube video about batteries? the guy makes his own web shooters, for crying out loud), forget that the conspiracy about Peter’s parents is even a thing, and voila: this movie would have been 100% improved. If it were up to me, this movie should really have taken a page out of Spider-Man 2, adopting a similar message about Peter Parker’s complacency and how he takes people for granted to his ultimate detriment. Instead, what could have been a thought-provoking, familiar message told in a new and refreshing way became a major letdown. This film had missed so many opportunities to really shine, and what’s even more infuriating is that they are missed because of a commitment to future sequels instead of a desire or any concerted effort to make this movie really work.
All the star power in the world isn’t enough to perform the miracle of vanquishing the stink of a crappy, convoluted film whose heart is in the wrong place and completely misunderstands what Spider-Man represents. Just when you think you have the story figured out, it switches gears to something totally unrelated. Bonus points for keeping viewers on their toes, but not at the expense of a clear, concise message. It seems that the writers were coming up with the story as it went on, and when they backed themselves into a corner, their solution was to write a new plot line to get themselves out of it.
At the end of the day, sure, this movie isn’t as bad as the head-scratcher that was Spider-Man 3, but you know what? It came pretty damn close. And that makes all the difference.
